I am not exactly sure what I am doing lately. Have you ever been at a crossroads in your life where you know that you need to make the "right" decision and everything that you have EVER wanted and imagined in your life lays just on the other side of that decision? But you still have the option to choose to stay right where you are and keep doing what you are doing... it is not a bad place to be, just not the best? That is where I am... The difficult part is the deciding. In all actuality the decision has already been made, it is the walking it out part. Walking it out shows that I am not fully in control. It requires me to let go of what appears to be a few good things in my life currently in hopes of the best things ahead. It means going without now (sacrifice) for what is yet to be.
Frankly, I am tired. I am tired of being continually asked to step up and step out. Do not get me wrong... I am honored and blessed beyond measure.. and it is definitely something that I have asked for and yearn for as sure as I take my next breath. But the part that I always seem to underestimate is the pain. The pain of letting go.... even letting go of the things that are harmful to me. You see, it is because I am afraid if I let go of what I seem to have now, that it means I will never have what I so long for in my heart.
I have made wrong choices willingly over the course of the last few weeks. I have allowed myself to delve into dark places that I thought I was safe from. Or to be even more brutally honest, I thought I was better than. It all comes down to pride, doesn't it? In one way, shape, or form.... it is all about selfishness and pride. It is about what I want, what I feel, what I think that I need. Yes, I do have valid needs that have been pushed aside or discarded for quite some time. But that is not what I am talking about. I have been put here for a greater purpose... I have an assignment to carry out and I am being tricked into diverting my attention from that cause to deal with emotional scars from my past. I know that I am rambling.. and I think that I might not be making any sense at all. But this is all from my heart. I need to get it out somehow. There is a fine line between being set apart and falling apart. I am learning how to dance on that delicate line. I have the bruises on my heart to show for it. But it is a dance that I am soooo willing to learn, regardless of the pain. Know why? Because I know that there is more. I know that the obstacles in my life are stepping stones... and the things that I have learned and am learning, I am supposed to share with others. One scraped knee at a time... I am helping to pave the way and shine the light. Please do not let all of this be in vain. Please.....
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Pirate Joe
Do you remember me writing about how my life will never be considered boring? Well, here is another exerpt explaining why!
The boys and I had some errands to run, which seems to be pretty typical these days. I was all ready to go when Josh informed me that he had to get dressed. He already had his clothes on, so I did not know what he meant. Well... I sure did find out! See the pic of him and his brother in the shopping cart. He decided to put on his Captain Feathersword (from the Wiggles, for those of you who are not cool enough to know that off hand!), his red PowerRanger gloves and a ripped up cardboard wrapping paper tube up on his arm. He told me he was "Pirate Joe" and had to protect me from the bad guys. How can I argue with that? So we went to Office Depot all dressed up and got many an interesting look. Some guy tried to ask us if we needed help and Josh told him to "leave my mommy alone if you are the bad, mean man!" Alas, a man to fight for my honor!
Slacker - NO MORE! First of many updates...
OK, OK... I know it has been a while. We have been busy little bees over here! There is much to tell and stories to share. I will *try* to do a condensed version, but our "happennings" usually cannot be condensed. LOL.
Hmmm... well we had our Sunday School's Christmas Party on the 10th. That was a BLAST! All of the kids had tons of fun and we had a visit from Santa. Most of the grown ups enjoyed watching yours truly making a fool of herself trying to do the parallel bars and the monkey bars (you know where you lay on the bar across your hips and swing over it). It did not happen because I am too chicken, but I was trying. Seems as though since I have lost all of this weight that I am losing some inhibitions.... I will try this again when there is not an audience :o). The highlight of the afternoon was definitely the visit from the guy in red suit. A little background here before I continue. Josh has been wanting this thing called a "kingdom castle" for almost a year now. It is retired and I haven't been able to find it... so for the majority of the year, I have been telling him we will talk to santa about it. Well, mommy hooked santa up on ebay about a month ago and Josh will have the surprise of his life on Christmas morning (go mommy!!). We have been practicing asking Santa for this thing. Well I never put two and two together. We had some adorable stuffed animals donated to us from the Rotary Club of Keystone-Sunrise (Shameless plug for them... they deserve it!!) to hand out from Santa to the kids. Everyone lined up and waited for their turn. I could see Josh was excited, but I was determined to not play favorites and called several children up before him. This was the first year that he has ever wanted to go and see Santa all on his own! It was very exciting for me. So I get everyone ready with the cameras and call Josh up to the big guy. He tells Santa "Merry Christmas!" and waits expectantly for his gift. And he was handed a gray stuffed donkey with little red hearts on his ears. Josh just looked at him like "What in the heck is this???" THAT is when it dawned on me that Josh was expecting his "kingdom castle." I was heartbroken for him. The sheer look of disappointment went from his face to his entire body as he took his place back on the mat. He sat there and crossed his arms and pouted while looking at the donkey. My poor precious boy! I took him aside and talked to him and explained that Christmas was still coming and he was going to get other presents for Jesus' birthday and this was just an extra gift. He seemed ok with that. But just to see how his little brain is working and making all of these connections... it was amazing. I have definitely gotten more than my share for Christmas this year.
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Transformers
Yesterday afternoon the boys and I were just hanging out in the living room finishing up some decorating. I had my back turned to them for about 10 minutes and when I turned around, Josh had gotten into my school bag. He found my sticky flags and had used the entire packet on his face! I so wanted to be mad, but all I could do was burst out laughing at him. I asked him, "Josh, what did you do?" "Mommy, I a transformer!"
Then he said, "Watch me! I changing into a car!" and he pulled all of the stickers off of his face and stuck them up his arms.Wow, buddy! That is cool. Amazing! That he made the connection to "transform" himself in that way... unbelievable! He went over and hugged Topher after he "saved" him from the pile of pillows on the couch. Then Josh told me to lay down. He said that I was going to be a transformer, too! OK! He found the purple stickers, because I am a girl, and made me a purple transformer. I told him that he did a fabulous job and then told him I was going to make him a purple one, too! We had a blast! Just like the song says... Transformers, more than meets the eye! Transformers, robots in disguise! Or maybe we should change it to goofballs in disguise! Happy Saturday! Love, Reese
Then he said, "Watch me! I changing into a car!" and he pulled all of the stickers off of his face and stuck them up his arms.Wow, buddy! That is cool. Amazing! That he made the connection to "transform" himself in that way... unbelievable! He went over and hugged Topher after he "saved" him from the pile of pillows on the couch. Then Josh told me to lay down. He said that I was going to be a transformer, too! OK! He found the purple stickers, because I am a girl, and made me a purple transformer. I told him that he did a fabulous job and then told him I was going to make him a purple one, too! We had a blast! Just like the song says... Transformers, more than meets the eye! Transformers, robots in disguise! Or maybe we should change it to goofballs in disguise! Happy Saturday! Love, Reese
Friday, December 8, 2006
I figured it out!
Ok.. you are in for it now.. I bought a cord for the digital camera and I have figured out how to post the pics. At least I think that I have!
I am warning you... I am camera happy.
Here are a few that I wanted to share from recent postings.... This first one is of Topher and his friend that was running after him the whole time at the Christmas party. And then there is Josh and one of the chickens in the petting zoo. And the one at the top is the three of us by the GIANT birthday cake blowup in the barn after dinner. I am gonna work on this picture thing.... as I have more to share!
Sometimes I wish...
that I was the one with Autism. To be able to retreat into the world of my own mind and not worry about or even care about what everyone is thinking or saying about me. It must be a nice place to go to escape. I wouldn't want to go there forever, just for a nice vacation. I start to muse about this from time to time... usually when I have had a hard week or get some bad news or a reality check. I will expand about the bad news and a reality check in my next blog. I am still decompressing from it... but here is a part that I can share now:
With taking the boys out of school, I have had more resistance that I ever imagined from other special needs parents. These are the same parents who tell me how their children are eligible for services but do not receive them in school. They also share that they do not see any real improvement with their kids, but they "have to" send them to such and such school. Or they fight and expend all of this energy trying to fight for what they believe their child needs but then end the day (or year, or years) still discouraged and disappointed with the outcome. Maybe I am being "attacked" because I am stepping out to do what they themselves cannot bring themselves to do. Yes, that is what I will choose to believe.
On another note, lots has happened this week. Looking back they are humorous, but when you are smack in the middle of it and there are eyes peering at you and mumbles about your kids and your parenting skills, you would give anything to crawl under a rock or into that safe little world.
Here is the play by play:
**This was actually a fun one! We went to Lowe's to get some wood, you know, to fix my broken table from the last catastrophe. I am not a carpenter, but I will make an effort! I like to pretend that I like to do all of the home improvement stuff, but I think that I am just intrigued by it all. At the end of the day, I would rather pay someone to do it for me. :o) Anyways, we were driving into the parking lot and the guys were unloading a fresh batch of Christmas trees. They were in the semi full of ice blocks. As they pulled the trees out, the guys threw the ice onto the ground. It looked like the sky opened up right there and had a fresh snowfall. I pulled over and got the boys out to play with the snow. It was great! The guys were laughing at me, but I told them that the boys had never seen snow before. We had our own mini-snowball fight! It was lots of fun! Then Topher took a handful of this ice and tried to eat it. That is when I knew our experience was complete and we got back into the car.
*We went to Sam's to pick up our quarterly bulk supplies. The ex came along as it was his night with the boys but they did not want to leave me. So all of us (mom, the boys, the ex, and I) are trekking through Sam's. Topher is running around and driving me nuts because he is not listening. I am in the middle of picking up boxes of pull-ups and all of a sudden the fire alarm goes off. My precious little angel tried to go through the emergency exit and set off the alarm. The ex and the mom are just kinda standing there watching. I was mortified. This guy comes running and I am apologizing. Josh is screaming because it is so loud and hurting his ears. Topher is stunned and looking like, "What the heck did I do?" I scoop him up and put him into the cart and he starts screaming. I believe he was louder than the alarm. Once it all stopped, Josh kept saying, "No push the red buttons!" How can I possibly explain when to push the buttons when the noise that results from it causes him so much pain?
*Earlier this week I dared to go into the Wal-Mart. It is absolutely nutso in there during the rest of the year, but at Christmas time, it is way beyond crazy. I was getting frustrated with the crowds and the piles of crap for sale everywhere in the middle of every single aisle. I said to the boys, "Hey guys, this store is bananas!" And Josh, without missing a beat replies, "No Mommy, this store is a Wal-mart!" I stand corrected.
*We were driving home and Josh had his feet up in the air, propped up on the back of my seat. He kept kicking them and was flinging his arms around while making some strange sounds. I was trying to figure out what the heck he was doing, so I asked him: "What are you doing?" And he said; Um, nothing. So I asked again... this was after he was really getting into the feet tapping and hand moving. "Josh, what on earth are you doing?" "Mommy, I just singing a song!" Oh, excuse me!
*We were at Super Target. (Can you tell that we have alot of errands? It is because I never get to finish the list I start - we usually leave mid-shopping in order to alleviate a disaster). On a side note, I *love* Super Target. I can get all I need without all of the craziness of Wal-Mart... AND there is a Starbucks! I have never been a coffee drinker before this year, but now I am addicted. I have fallen head over heels for their Peppermint Mocha Lattes, and last night I treated myself to a Venti! WooHoo! They even have cute little cup holders for the cart so you don't have to carry the cup in the store. Talk about luxury! Anyways, we were checking out and I was loading the cart. Topher was running around and not listening (do you see a theme here?). We had gone out to the garden center and collected some broken branches to decorate our nativity scene with and they were occupying the majority of the cart. I was tired of the comments and stares because of Topher's blatant disobedience. He was saying stuff like, "Get off of me mommy!" and "You cut it out now!" I do not know where he gets this from... seriously! So I caught him and went to put him into the child seat in the cart. He is a big boy - he weighs 50 pounds and is only3! (I have nightmares that we are going to end up on Maury Povich, but he really is just a big boy - think linebacker material!). The bad thing about his size is that he knows how to use it to his advantage. He flailed backwards and nearly knocked me over. I persevered though and managed to get him into the seat. He then made a final attempt to wiggle out of the chair, and that is when it happened. Topher pushed and kicked and sent my latte flying. All over him, the bags, the counter, my left side, my sweatshirt, and of course the floor! The cashier was stunned. I put him back into the seat while he is screaming and started trying to gain my composure. I asked for some towels. She handed me 2. I told her I would need more than that. She ignored me. I think she was trying to finish up to get us out of there. I do not blame her. I cleaned up most of the carnage but the floor was still a mess. Now I believe that if we cause something at a store, we need to clean it up. The cashier came around to put the last bag in the cart and said, "Oh my! That is a big mess! I will call someone." I was even more mortified. She leaned over and said, trying to be reassuring, "It is ok, we have messes all of the time." I glanced at the distinguished gentleman in line behind us who had been rolling his eyes the entire time and the ladies in the next line that were smirking at us and just responded: "So do we honey, so do we." I paid our bill and left. As we are walking out of the store, my babies look at me and say "Sorry, Mommy." Me too guys, me too.
The sad part? I think that most of the reason I was upset was that I only got to drink half of my latte. I am so pathetic....
So the next time you are enjoying your Starbucks, just smile and think of me.
Have a great Friday and a fabulous weekend! We have lots planned, including a Christmas play and our Sunday School class's Christmas Party. The boys are excited! I am too... I think! :o)
Love, Reese
With taking the boys out of school, I have had more resistance that I ever imagined from other special needs parents. These are the same parents who tell me how their children are eligible for services but do not receive them in school. They also share that they do not see any real improvement with their kids, but they "have to" send them to such and such school. Or they fight and expend all of this energy trying to fight for what they believe their child needs but then end the day (or year, or years) still discouraged and disappointed with the outcome. Maybe I am being "attacked" because I am stepping out to do what they themselves cannot bring themselves to do. Yes, that is what I will choose to believe.
On another note, lots has happened this week. Looking back they are humorous, but when you are smack in the middle of it and there are eyes peering at you and mumbles about your kids and your parenting skills, you would give anything to crawl under a rock or into that safe little world.
Here is the play by play:
**This was actually a fun one! We went to Lowe's to get some wood, you know, to fix my broken table from the last catastrophe. I am not a carpenter, but I will make an effort! I like to pretend that I like to do all of the home improvement stuff, but I think that I am just intrigued by it all. At the end of the day, I would rather pay someone to do it for me. :o) Anyways, we were driving into the parking lot and the guys were unloading a fresh batch of Christmas trees. They were in the semi full of ice blocks. As they pulled the trees out, the guys threw the ice onto the ground. It looked like the sky opened up right there and had a fresh snowfall. I pulled over and got the boys out to play with the snow. It was great! The guys were laughing at me, but I told them that the boys had never seen snow before. We had our own mini-snowball fight! It was lots of fun! Then Topher took a handful of this ice and tried to eat it. That is when I knew our experience was complete and we got back into the car.
*We went to Sam's to pick up our quarterly bulk supplies. The ex came along as it was his night with the boys but they did not want to leave me. So all of us (mom, the boys, the ex, and I) are trekking through Sam's. Topher is running around and driving me nuts because he is not listening. I am in the middle of picking up boxes of pull-ups and all of a sudden the fire alarm goes off. My precious little angel tried to go through the emergency exit and set off the alarm. The ex and the mom are just kinda standing there watching. I was mortified. This guy comes running and I am apologizing. Josh is screaming because it is so loud and hurting his ears. Topher is stunned and looking like, "What the heck did I do?" I scoop him up and put him into the cart and he starts screaming. I believe he was louder than the alarm. Once it all stopped, Josh kept saying, "No push the red buttons!" How can I possibly explain when to push the buttons when the noise that results from it causes him so much pain?
*Earlier this week I dared to go into the Wal-Mart. It is absolutely nutso in there during the rest of the year, but at Christmas time, it is way beyond crazy. I was getting frustrated with the crowds and the piles of crap for sale everywhere in the middle of every single aisle. I said to the boys, "Hey guys, this store is bananas!" And Josh, without missing a beat replies, "No Mommy, this store is a Wal-mart!" I stand corrected.
*We were driving home and Josh had his feet up in the air, propped up on the back of my seat. He kept kicking them and was flinging his arms around while making some strange sounds. I was trying to figure out what the heck he was doing, so I asked him: "What are you doing?" And he said; Um, nothing. So I asked again... this was after he was really getting into the feet tapping and hand moving. "Josh, what on earth are you doing?" "Mommy, I just singing a song!" Oh, excuse me!
*We were at Super Target. (Can you tell that we have alot of errands? It is because I never get to finish the list I start - we usually leave mid-shopping in order to alleviate a disaster). On a side note, I *love* Super Target. I can get all I need without all of the craziness of Wal-Mart... AND there is a Starbucks! I have never been a coffee drinker before this year, but now I am addicted. I have fallen head over heels for their Peppermint Mocha Lattes, and last night I treated myself to a Venti! WooHoo! They even have cute little cup holders for the cart so you don't have to carry the cup in the store. Talk about luxury! Anyways, we were checking out and I was loading the cart. Topher was running around and not listening (do you see a theme here?). We had gone out to the garden center and collected some broken branches to decorate our nativity scene with and they were occupying the majority of the cart. I was tired of the comments and stares because of Topher's blatant disobedience. He was saying stuff like, "Get off of me mommy!" and "You cut it out now!" I do not know where he gets this from... seriously! So I caught him and went to put him into the child seat in the cart. He is a big boy - he weighs 50 pounds and is only3! (I have nightmares that we are going to end up on Maury Povich, but he really is just a big boy - think linebacker material!). The bad thing about his size is that he knows how to use it to his advantage. He flailed backwards and nearly knocked me over. I persevered though and managed to get him into the seat. He then made a final attempt to wiggle out of the chair, and that is when it happened. Topher pushed and kicked and sent my latte flying. All over him, the bags, the counter, my left side, my sweatshirt, and of course the floor! The cashier was stunned. I put him back into the seat while he is screaming and started trying to gain my composure. I asked for some towels. She handed me 2. I told her I would need more than that. She ignored me. I think she was trying to finish up to get us out of there. I do not blame her. I cleaned up most of the carnage but the floor was still a mess. Now I believe that if we cause something at a store, we need to clean it up. The cashier came around to put the last bag in the cart and said, "Oh my! That is a big mess! I will call someone." I was even more mortified. She leaned over and said, trying to be reassuring, "It is ok, we have messes all of the time." I glanced at the distinguished gentleman in line behind us who had been rolling his eyes the entire time and the ladies in the next line that were smirking at us and just responded: "So do we honey, so do we." I paid our bill and left. As we are walking out of the store, my babies look at me and say "Sorry, Mommy." Me too guys, me too.
The sad part? I think that most of the reason I was upset was that I only got to drink half of my latte. I am so pathetic....
So the next time you are enjoying your Starbucks, just smile and think of me.
Have a great Friday and a fabulous weekend! We have lots planned, including a Christmas play and our Sunday School class's Christmas Party. The boys are excited! I am too... I think! :o)
Love, Reese
Monday, December 4, 2006
The Christmas Party at the Ranch
Saturday afternoon we attended our special needs Christmas party. It is put on by a couple at their *beautiful* ranch and is an outreach from another church. There was a flying elephant ride, a spinning dragon ride, two bounce houses, a petting zoo, pony rides, and lots and lots of people. It was SO fun! This party is definitely one of my favorite events of the season. It is specifically for families and friends of children with special needs and everyone there either has a loved one with a disability, or works/volunteers in a program for people with disabilities.
The first year I was invited, I was a nervous wreck trying to keep up with my boys and apologizing for their condition. That has changed!
After being asked and then flat out told to not worry about the boys and allow the people there to help me and allow myself to relax, I finally listened! There is a petite blonde lady who Topher just adores. Since his thing is running (think Forrest Gump - from then on, if there was someplace to go, I was running! That's my Topher) she just kept running right along with him and after him. Watching her made me realize that it is no wonder I am so tired all of the time! lol
We did have one small incident where a volunteer dad had a conniption by the bounce house. He started saying very loudly, "Whoever this kid belongs to, he needs to get out of here because he is hitting and spitting!!" I, of course, was mortified to learn that I was the one the kid belonged to. It was Joshua. He was blowing raspberries at all of the kids. I did not see all that transpired, but I asked him what he did, and he said he made nice, nice to the little boy's face. To Josh, "nice, nice" is smooshing another person's face between his hands and getting so close to them that he can smell their skin. It is one of his "things." Admittedly, taken out of context, it could appear threatening. I made him apologize, took him from the bounce thing, and went for a walk. The whole time he was saying, "No! My friend and my Christmas party!" I felt guilty for falling prey to another parent. I am not sure if I handled it correctly or not. I did take Josh back to the house thingy and made him apologize and tell the little boy that he wouldn't smoosh him anymore. Then he went back in to play. The dad had a look on his face that I am sure would have hurt me if looks had actions behind them. The funny part is that just 20 minutes before this, both the boy and Josh were on one of the rides together because his son was afraid to ride alone. I really think this whole thing was blown out of proportion and was a case of not seeing the disability, just a brat. You see what you want to see.
On a more positive note, here are some highlights:
*There was a petting zoo there with ducks, chickens, a goat, rabbits, guinea pigs, and a pot belly pig. The last time we were there, Josh wanted NOTHING to do with the animals. He was afraid. This time, he jumped right into the fence and sat there until he had the chance to hold *every* single animal. At one point, he told the lady that he wanted to hold "that one." She thought he meant the guinea pig, so she asked him, "You want the guinea pig this time?" And he said, "No! I don't wanna skinny pig! I want the big fat pig!" Priceless! He wanted, and made the woman, pick up the pot bellied pig and put it on his lap. The poor thing was grunting and squealing, but he got up there. Josh thought it was the best thing in the world!
*There was also horse and pony rides. Topher took his ride while I was in the bathroom with Josh. So I missed this, but EVERYONE told me about it afterwards. Evidently, my little one got on the horse and was a bit uneasy at first. Then he realized what he was doing, grinned from ear to ear and said "Yee haw!" while throwing his arm in the air like he was gonna lasso a cow! The kid is such a nut!
*At the end of the night, we were going to take pictures - on a side note, as soon as I figure this out, I will have pics on here! There was a huge birthday cake for Jesus on the stage in the barn where we had dinner. I rally the boys together and asked Elizabeth to take our picture. Topher, without missing a beat, gets on the stage and looks out to the crowd and says, "Ladies and gentlemen!" Needless to say, he stole the show at that point.
So that wraps up another adventure for the Fraser boys. We have errands to run today and a few appointments and then we are baking this evening. I cannot wait to see what gifts we will share throughout this day. Blessings and laughter to you all!! Love, Reese
The first year I was invited, I was a nervous wreck trying to keep up with my boys and apologizing for their condition. That has changed!
After being asked and then flat out told to not worry about the boys and allow the people there to help me and allow myself to relax, I finally listened! There is a petite blonde lady who Topher just adores. Since his thing is running (think Forrest Gump - from then on, if there was someplace to go, I was running! That's my Topher) she just kept running right along with him and after him. Watching her made me realize that it is no wonder I am so tired all of the time! lol
We did have one small incident where a volunteer dad had a conniption by the bounce house. He started saying very loudly, "Whoever this kid belongs to, he needs to get out of here because he is hitting and spitting!!" I, of course, was mortified to learn that I was the one the kid belonged to. It was Joshua. He was blowing raspberries at all of the kids. I did not see all that transpired, but I asked him what he did, and he said he made nice, nice to the little boy's face. To Josh, "nice, nice" is smooshing another person's face between his hands and getting so close to them that he can smell their skin. It is one of his "things." Admittedly, taken out of context, it could appear threatening. I made him apologize, took him from the bounce thing, and went for a walk. The whole time he was saying, "No! My friend and my Christmas party!" I felt guilty for falling prey to another parent. I am not sure if I handled it correctly or not. I did take Josh back to the house thingy and made him apologize and tell the little boy that he wouldn't smoosh him anymore. Then he went back in to play. The dad had a look on his face that I am sure would have hurt me if looks had actions behind them. The funny part is that just 20 minutes before this, both the boy and Josh were on one of the rides together because his son was afraid to ride alone. I really think this whole thing was blown out of proportion and was a case of not seeing the disability, just a brat. You see what you want to see.
On a more positive note, here are some highlights:
*There was a petting zoo there with ducks, chickens, a goat, rabbits, guinea pigs, and a pot belly pig. The last time we were there, Josh wanted NOTHING to do with the animals. He was afraid. This time, he jumped right into the fence and sat there until he had the chance to hold *every* single animal. At one point, he told the lady that he wanted to hold "that one." She thought he meant the guinea pig, so she asked him, "You want the guinea pig this time?" And he said, "No! I don't wanna skinny pig! I want the big fat pig!" Priceless! He wanted, and made the woman, pick up the pot bellied pig and put it on his lap. The poor thing was grunting and squealing, but he got up there. Josh thought it was the best thing in the world!
*There was also horse and pony rides. Topher took his ride while I was in the bathroom with Josh. So I missed this, but EVERYONE told me about it afterwards. Evidently, my little one got on the horse and was a bit uneasy at first. Then he realized what he was doing, grinned from ear to ear and said "Yee haw!" while throwing his arm in the air like he was gonna lasso a cow! The kid is such a nut!
*At the end of the night, we were going to take pictures - on a side note, as soon as I figure this out, I will have pics on here! There was a huge birthday cake for Jesus on the stage in the barn where we had dinner. I rally the boys together and asked Elizabeth to take our picture. Topher, without missing a beat, gets on the stage and looks out to the crowd and says, "Ladies and gentlemen!" Needless to say, he stole the show at that point.
So that wraps up another adventure for the Fraser boys. We have errands to run today and a few appointments and then we are baking this evening. I cannot wait to see what gifts we will share throughout this day. Blessings and laughter to you all!! Love, Reese
Saturday, December 2, 2006
This week's news....
I have been a BUSY GIRL!! So I wanted to share the highlights of my week.
Let me begin by saying that I had *NO CLUE* that so many people found my blog so interesting. It warms my heart to have people ask me when I am going to post again. Thanks for the encouragement!!
So let's get down to business:
What am I thinking???
-I have made the decision to homeschool my children. I would like to tell you that I am confident in my ability to educate and impart wisdom and knowledge into two small, amazingly important individuals; however, I am **extremely** concerned that I will totally screw them up. But then I stop and think about the events that have transpired to lead me to this decision and I realize that the boys are getting screwed up in the school system, so I cannot do any worse than that! Besides, I am their mom and I love them. So if you love the ones that you screw up, it makes a difference, right? :o)
But seriously.. we have all heard that "the Lord works in mysterious ways." Well, I have had a few "confirmations" that I am supposed to do the whole homeschool thing.
-The boys have had an AMAZING week. No major meltdowns or temper tantrums. Just the typical, "I am your brother and it is my mission in life to hurt you" stuff.
-Friday was our co-op pick up day. We had to get the milk, eggs, and coconut oil. On the way to the milk, the boys were telling me how we drink the yummy cow milk and that cows are black and white and say "moo!" To me, that constitutes learning.
-When we left milk and eggs, on our way to coconut oil, Josh asked me where we were going. I told him to go get our coconut oil. And he said, "Oh! We are going to the beach!" I was a bit confused and asked him to clarify what he said, and he reiterated that he thought we were going to the beach. I asked him what we were going to do there, and he proceeded to tell me that we were going to climb a tree at the beach by the water to get the coconuts. Now THAT is learning! How on earth he came up with that on his own is beyond me. But since we are now homeschooling and it happened the first week that I, his mother, am teaching him, I know that somehow I imparted this great wisdom to him. (Stop laughing.)
-Allowing my boys to watch Dora the Explorer while I finish up a paper actually was a good thing! I know the opinion of using TV as a babysitter, but as mentioned in previous postings, you are not here, but you can be to take the TV's place and you are welcome to offer! We have been introduced to Swiper the fox who, from what I can surmise, is the guy who tries to foil Dora's adventures. The boys really like him. Their latest catchphrase is "Swiper, no swiping!" and then they say "Oh man!" Well, this morning this whole thing turned into a lesson! Woo hoo!! We drew a picture of Swiper and wrote his name on a piece of paper and then Josh copied the picture and wrote the name too. Art and spelling are done for the day! Go mommy, go mommy! :o)
-Topher is standing next to me as I write this doing a puzzle. He was just naming all of the animals as he put them in the frame. He kept saying "the caw." What the crap is a caw? I know he can say cow.. so that couldn't be it. I looked at the puzzle and had him redo it. He was calling the PARROT a MACAW. Genius. Sheer genius.
My School News
-I had a group presentation on Wednesday and Elizabeth and Dancing Queen (see the Me and My Gang post) came to observe. It was in my *favorite* class of this semester. Our group has really become a little family and everyone did a FABULOUS job. I was so proud. We really set the bar for the other groups. Sorry guys! Of course, we got an "A" because we rock! Guys, is that still cool?
-I also had a presentation in another class about some volunteer work that we had to do. I talked about working with kids with disabilities. Somehow I ended up talking about my boys and autism for 25 minutes when it was supposed to be a 7 minute presentation. Shocker. Everyone kept asking me tons of questions, which I of course was all too happy to answer. I think that I threw them off though when I started off with my friend AirBear flashing the lights and the tape recorder blaring while I read "Brown Bear." I love the dramatics... I think that is probably a good thing considering my life! :o)
Three Little Words
-This was actually going to be it's own post. And I may delve deeper into this subject at a later date. But... have you ever noticed that sentences that contain just three words are the most vulnerable ones that you can utter? I am not just talking about the one that your mind jumped to when you read the title, although it does count. Here are some that I wanted to SCREAM at some point in the last month:
*I need help.
*I am tired.
*I am stressed.
*Are you listening? (not sarcastically.. just more do you really hear me?)
*I feel alone.
*I am tired.
*I need help. (Yes, I know I already said these, but they are worth repeating!)
*I need sleep. (This is not the same thing as I am tired.)
*I feel isolated.
*I needa vacation. (technically a 4 word, but I am the author and editor, so I made it a three word one!)
So yes, I have been feeling vulerable. Being tired and running ragged will do that to you. But I am learning to delegate and to say "No" more often. One of my most important lessons that I learned this week came from the "Wonderpets"... sometimes you have to ask for help, no matter who you are. Enough said.
I do have one more three word sentence that I must share.. and let you know that above all of the other ones, this is the most important and the one that remains a constant in my life regardless of all the rest.
***I am blessed.***
We got jokes!
-I just looked into the living room and saw my 5 year old sitting on top of an upside down hamper. I didn't think too much of it as he is a climber and likes to find obscure places to sit up on. Then I was wondering where the 3 year old was. Yep, he was UNDER the hamper and Josh was sitting on top of him. I am telling you, it never ends!
-The boys heard a commercial for a cake mix earlier this week on the radio. It went something like this:
First Lady - I brought my fruit cake to this party and it has been pushed to the back of the dessert table.
Second Lady - I made this delicious (insert sarcastic smirk from me here) chocolate tort from the boxed cake mix company and it is almost gone!
The go back and forth about how easy and yummy it is and then you hear the first lady say to a bunch of giggling kids.. "Hey, put that down! Its not a football its a fruitcake!" Josh literally laughed for 5 straight minutes at this. He got the joke! Now, you just have to say to him, Put that down! Its not a football! and he starts rolling all over again.
My favorite sound in the world? My boys laughter! It is even better when it is over a joke that they have made the connection to understand. What a gift!
Upcoming Events - In other words, potential storymakers!
-We have a Christmas party tonight at a ranch/farm. We had a blast the last time we went to it... and we are SO looking forward to it! I think that I am more excited than the boys.
-I have been informed by the boys that we are making Christmas cookies this week. Um.. ok! I am game. Please pray for us! :o) Last time we made cookies, when they came out of the oven, Josh asked me where the bricks came from. Nice.
Other Tidbits
-We went to the electric company to pay our bill yesterday. They have a tree in the lobby and the two large desks/podiums were wrapped as presents - right down to the big red bows on top. Josh and Topher ran right up to them and screamed "Thank you Santa!! My presents are here!" Do you know how hard it is to try to stop two boys on opposite ends of the lobby from opening the pretend presents? Then they wanted to help redecorate the tree.
-Usually when we go to Wal-Mart, one of the boys has an "issue." This last time, I was amazed because neither of them screamed or did the "alligator death roll" about anything. They did, however, put on quite a show for the other customers. Both boys starting singing "Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long" on the top of their lungs in the checkout line. Yes folks, now when you go to Wal-mart, you get a free show! At least these stares were for a good reason! Times like these I just want to zip up in a pocket in my heart.
-I went to see Joel Osteen on Thursday night and had the pleasure of meeting a very nice person who sat next to me. The entire experience warmed my heart and touched me on a level that I cannot seem to put into words. I am thankful and will treasure that night for a long time.
Ok.. I am off to change some laundry and make preparations for the day. Also to referree the boys. That is a job that NEVER ends! Have a great weekend everyone!
Let me begin by saying that I had *NO CLUE* that so many people found my blog so interesting. It warms my heart to have people ask me when I am going to post again. Thanks for the encouragement!!
So let's get down to business:
What am I thinking???
-I have made the decision to homeschool my children. I would like to tell you that I am confident in my ability to educate and impart wisdom and knowledge into two small, amazingly important individuals; however, I am **extremely** concerned that I will totally screw them up. But then I stop and think about the events that have transpired to lead me to this decision and I realize that the boys are getting screwed up in the school system, so I cannot do any worse than that! Besides, I am their mom and I love them. So if you love the ones that you screw up, it makes a difference, right? :o)
But seriously.. we have all heard that "the Lord works in mysterious ways." Well, I have had a few "confirmations" that I am supposed to do the whole homeschool thing.
-The boys have had an AMAZING week. No major meltdowns or temper tantrums. Just the typical, "I am your brother and it is my mission in life to hurt you" stuff.
-Friday was our co-op pick up day. We had to get the milk, eggs, and coconut oil. On the way to the milk, the boys were telling me how we drink the yummy cow milk and that cows are black and white and say "moo!" To me, that constitutes learning.
-When we left milk and eggs, on our way to coconut oil, Josh asked me where we were going. I told him to go get our coconut oil. And he said, "Oh! We are going to the beach!" I was a bit confused and asked him to clarify what he said, and he reiterated that he thought we were going to the beach. I asked him what we were going to do there, and he proceeded to tell me that we were going to climb a tree at the beach by the water to get the coconuts. Now THAT is learning! How on earth he came up with that on his own is beyond me. But since we are now homeschooling and it happened the first week that I, his mother, am teaching him, I know that somehow I imparted this great wisdom to him. (Stop laughing.)
-Allowing my boys to watch Dora the Explorer while I finish up a paper actually was a good thing! I know the opinion of using TV as a babysitter, but as mentioned in previous postings, you are not here, but you can be to take the TV's place and you are welcome to offer! We have been introduced to Swiper the fox who, from what I can surmise, is the guy who tries to foil Dora's adventures. The boys really like him. Their latest catchphrase is "Swiper, no swiping!" and then they say "Oh man!" Well, this morning this whole thing turned into a lesson! Woo hoo!! We drew a picture of Swiper and wrote his name on a piece of paper and then Josh copied the picture and wrote the name too. Art and spelling are done for the day! Go mommy, go mommy! :o)
-Topher is standing next to me as I write this doing a puzzle. He was just naming all of the animals as he put them in the frame. He kept saying "the caw." What the crap is a caw? I know he can say cow.. so that couldn't be it. I looked at the puzzle and had him redo it. He was calling the PARROT a MACAW. Genius. Sheer genius.
My School News
-I had a group presentation on Wednesday and Elizabeth and Dancing Queen (see the Me and My Gang post) came to observe. It was in my *favorite* class of this semester. Our group has really become a little family and everyone did a FABULOUS job. I was so proud. We really set the bar for the other groups. Sorry guys! Of course, we got an "A" because we rock! Guys, is that still cool?
-I also had a presentation in another class about some volunteer work that we had to do. I talked about working with kids with disabilities. Somehow I ended up talking about my boys and autism for 25 minutes when it was supposed to be a 7 minute presentation. Shocker. Everyone kept asking me tons of questions, which I of course was all too happy to answer. I think that I threw them off though when I started off with my friend AirBear flashing the lights and the tape recorder blaring while I read "Brown Bear." I love the dramatics... I think that is probably a good thing considering my life! :o)
Three Little Words
-This was actually going to be it's own post. And I may delve deeper into this subject at a later date. But... have you ever noticed that sentences that contain just three words are the most vulnerable ones that you can utter? I am not just talking about the one that your mind jumped to when you read the title, although it does count. Here are some that I wanted to SCREAM at some point in the last month:
*I need help.
*I am tired.
*I am stressed.
*Are you listening? (not sarcastically.. just more do you really hear me?)
*I feel alone.
*I am tired.
*I need help. (Yes, I know I already said these, but they are worth repeating!)
*I need sleep. (This is not the same thing as I am tired.)
*I feel isolated.
*I needa vacation. (technically a 4 word, but I am the author and editor, so I made it a three word one!)
So yes, I have been feeling vulerable. Being tired and running ragged will do that to you. But I am learning to delegate and to say "No" more often. One of my most important lessons that I learned this week came from the "Wonderpets"... sometimes you have to ask for help, no matter who you are. Enough said.
I do have one more three word sentence that I must share.. and let you know that above all of the other ones, this is the most important and the one that remains a constant in my life regardless of all the rest.
***I am blessed.***
We got jokes!
-I just looked into the living room and saw my 5 year old sitting on top of an upside down hamper. I didn't think too much of it as he is a climber and likes to find obscure places to sit up on. Then I was wondering where the 3 year old was. Yep, he was UNDER the hamper and Josh was sitting on top of him. I am telling you, it never ends!
-The boys heard a commercial for a cake mix earlier this week on the radio. It went something like this:
First Lady - I brought my fruit cake to this party and it has been pushed to the back of the dessert table.
Second Lady - I made this delicious (insert sarcastic smirk from me here) chocolate tort from the boxed cake mix company and it is almost gone!
The go back and forth about how easy and yummy it is and then you hear the first lady say to a bunch of giggling kids.. "Hey, put that down! Its not a football its a fruitcake!" Josh literally laughed for 5 straight minutes at this. He got the joke! Now, you just have to say to him, Put that down! Its not a football! and he starts rolling all over again.
My favorite sound in the world? My boys laughter! It is even better when it is over a joke that they have made the connection to understand. What a gift!
Upcoming Events - In other words, potential storymakers!
-We have a Christmas party tonight at a ranch/farm. We had a blast the last time we went to it... and we are SO looking forward to it! I think that I am more excited than the boys.
-I have been informed by the boys that we are making Christmas cookies this week. Um.. ok! I am game. Please pray for us! :o) Last time we made cookies, when they came out of the oven, Josh asked me where the bricks came from. Nice.
Other Tidbits
-We went to the electric company to pay our bill yesterday. They have a tree in the lobby and the two large desks/podiums were wrapped as presents - right down to the big red bows on top. Josh and Topher ran right up to them and screamed "Thank you Santa!! My presents are here!" Do you know how hard it is to try to stop two boys on opposite ends of the lobby from opening the pretend presents? Then they wanted to help redecorate the tree.
-Usually when we go to Wal-Mart, one of the boys has an "issue." This last time, I was amazed because neither of them screamed or did the "alligator death roll" about anything. They did, however, put on quite a show for the other customers. Both boys starting singing "Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long" on the top of their lungs in the checkout line. Yes folks, now when you go to Wal-mart, you get a free show! At least these stares were for a good reason! Times like these I just want to zip up in a pocket in my heart.
-I went to see Joel Osteen on Thursday night and had the pleasure of meeting a very nice person who sat next to me. The entire experience warmed my heart and touched me on a level that I cannot seem to put into words. I am thankful and will treasure that night for a long time.
Ok.. I am off to change some laundry and make preparations for the day. Also to referree the boys. That is a job that NEVER ends! Have a great weekend everyone!
Friday, December 1, 2006
Comments
Ok... anyone can comment on the blogs now. I had a few complaints that people could not leave feedback... but I figured out how to change it so you are all set.
Be forewarned: Any crude or vulgar language will be removed!
Thanks!
By the way, if you leave a comment, make sure you leave your name so I know who you are!!!
Be forewarned: Any crude or vulgar language will be removed!
Thanks!
By the way, if you leave a comment, make sure you leave your name so I know who you are!!!
Friday, November 24, 2006
"Just in Case" - An Unexpected Thanksgiving
This year my youngest sister had Thanksgiving at her house. I am so used to calling her my little sister, but since she will be 25 in March, I think I need to choose different wording.
She and her man just bought a house together, so we wanted to christen the new dwelling "right." Boy did she ever do that! Yesterday, there were nearly 30 people in her home. That may not seem all that bad to some of you, but considering that this was her FIRST Thanksgiving that she put on, it was a bit daunting.
But I have to tell you, she is such a trooper! And I love her heart. For the last 6 weeks we have talked at least 4 times a week (which is about normal anyways). But as the time has creeped closer, it was a daily, then hourly conversation.
The enormity of this endeavor slowly enveloped our minds as we got closer to the date. Our conversations centered around the number of people, the number of chairs, and the amount of food. I knew it was all going to be OK, because I know my sister. Her motto has always seemed to be: Just in case.
How many pounds of potatoes do you think we will need? 10? I will get 15, just in case.
How much turkey? Two 12 pound birds? Well, I am getting a 19 pounder, two turkey breasts and a ham, just in case. She actually picked up another turkey breast - just in case.
We need appetizers. Let's double all of the recipes, just in case. (We had shrimp cocktail, stuffed mushrooms, hummus, cheese and salami and nuts and berries.) just in case.
I know that everyone likes different kinds of dessert and I want everyone to have what they like, so I ordered a few kinds. *there were 7 and ice cream* Just in case.
I could go on and on... cranberries - green beans - yams. All of it. Just in case. Every time those words came out of her mouth, my heart smiled and I just wanted to hug her. I think it is because she and I are so much alike in this way.
When it comes to family functions or just outings with alot of people, I never know what to expect as far as my boys are concerned.
So I hope for the best and I prepare my children and those around them for the absolute worse and set my mind for the fact that we may have to leave things like this early - just in case.
I packed 15 movies, their favorite toys, some herbal calming tincture, and other comforting items - just in case.
I made sure that I ate enough while cooking so that I would be available to referee at the kids table - just in case.
I had my laundry list of reasons and replies for any and all questions or comments - just in case.
You know what happened? We all had an absolutely fabulous Thanksgiving. There were so many people there and lively conversations just flowed. My kids took to their cousins and the other kids there, and played and laughed! I almost forgot that they were even there. I could be in the kitchen with my sisters, and the big boys (OK, the men) were out back throwing the football, and the kids were all playing as well. I could breathe and just enjoy myself! This was the first Thanksgiving in 5 years that I didn't feel like I was the outsider because of our "specialness."
It was amazing! I thoroughly enjoyed working in the kitchen with my sisters and our "pansy-dish washer." (Love you Peter!! And by the way, I do not remember any groping or the fight that you promised us!) I loved hearing everyone comment on how far the boys have come since they last saw them. I absolutely loved having the entire family together for this joyous occasion. What a blessing!
Highlights to remember:
So I will write it here as a remembrance - Just In Case.
She and her man just bought a house together, so we wanted to christen the new dwelling "right." Boy did she ever do that! Yesterday, there were nearly 30 people in her home. That may not seem all that bad to some of you, but considering that this was her FIRST Thanksgiving that she put on, it was a bit daunting.
But I have to tell you, she is such a trooper! And I love her heart. For the last 6 weeks we have talked at least 4 times a week (which is about normal anyways). But as the time has creeped closer, it was a daily, then hourly conversation.
The enormity of this endeavor slowly enveloped our minds as we got closer to the date. Our conversations centered around the number of people, the number of chairs, and the amount of food. I knew it was all going to be OK, because I know my sister. Her motto has always seemed to be: Just in case.
How many pounds of potatoes do you think we will need? 10? I will get 15, just in case.
How much turkey? Two 12 pound birds? Well, I am getting a 19 pounder, two turkey breasts and a ham, just in case. She actually picked up another turkey breast - just in case.
We need appetizers. Let's double all of the recipes, just in case. (We had shrimp cocktail, stuffed mushrooms, hummus, cheese and salami and nuts and berries.) just in case.
I know that everyone likes different kinds of dessert and I want everyone to have what they like, so I ordered a few kinds. *there were 7 and ice cream* Just in case.
I could go on and on... cranberries - green beans - yams. All of it. Just in case. Every time those words came out of her mouth, my heart smiled and I just wanted to hug her. I think it is because she and I are so much alike in this way.
When it comes to family functions or just outings with alot of people, I never know what to expect as far as my boys are concerned.
So I hope for the best and I prepare my children and those around them for the absolute worse and set my mind for the fact that we may have to leave things like this early - just in case.
I packed 15 movies, their favorite toys, some herbal calming tincture, and other comforting items - just in case.
I made sure that I ate enough while cooking so that I would be available to referee at the kids table - just in case.
I had my laundry list of reasons and replies for any and all questions or comments - just in case.
You know what happened? We all had an absolutely fabulous Thanksgiving. There were so many people there and lively conversations just flowed. My kids took to their cousins and the other kids there, and played and laughed! I almost forgot that they were even there. I could be in the kitchen with my sisters, and the big boys (OK, the men) were out back throwing the football, and the kids were all playing as well. I could breathe and just enjoy myself! This was the first Thanksgiving in 5 years that I didn't feel like I was the outsider because of our "specialness."
It was amazing! I thoroughly enjoyed working in the kitchen with my sisters and our "pansy-dish washer." (Love you Peter!! And by the way, I do not remember any groping or the fight that you promised us!) I loved hearing everyone comment on how far the boys have come since they last saw them. I absolutely loved having the entire family together for this joyous occasion. What a blessing!
Highlights to remember:
- The 25 minute drive home from Sam's.
- It's eleven, is it too early to start drinking?
- All of the men are asleep and I am in the kitchen with the women!
- The sharing of the garlic and coconut oil story - this I did not plan on! If you are curious, please email me or leave a comment and I will share privately.
- Finding my 5 year old son in my sister's bed with her man's niece. We have pictures to prove it!
- The kids having a blanket and pillow fight and then somehow I got in the middle of it and was attacked.
- No one coming to my immediate rescue in said attack! :o)
- Having my toes cracked.
- Karaoke in the bedroom - Life is a highway!
- My sister-in-law coming to my rescue from the kiddie table.
- Talking about eliminating, constipation, and diarrhea problems as an after dinner conversation.
- Making new friends with extended family and smiling so hard that my face hurt when I got home.
- Having to have my sister pry the niece off of the car because she wanted to go home with us.
So I will write it here as a remembrance - Just In Case.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Why my life will never be considered boring
As some of you may know, my disabled mother lives with my boys and me. I should say that my mother who has an electric scooter and a rather large therapy dog lives with us.
Every night, mom gets on the scooter and takes each boy out for a ride with the dog in tow. First one, then the other. Then it is bath time. She has been extremely proud of herself as she has been allowing my 3 and 5 year olds to actually drive the scooter while she supervises.
All of that is well and good until something like what happened last night happens. I was getting the boys and I ready to head out to church. My mom's scooter was parked in the dining room facing the entry way to the kitchen. There is a wooden gate sectioning off the doorway, and just behind there is a wooden table that holds my $250 mill and $200 mixer along with various baking supplies and covers all of my buckets of grain. Joshua, the 5 year old, gets on the scooter, turns it on, and races it full speed ahead into the kitchen. In the process, destroying the gate, the garbage can, the table and my nerves. He is laughing and having a grand old time, I am breathless at the thought of "if that scooter moves a milimeter, my entire attempt at holistic health and investments thereof are going to crash to the floor." I silently and calmly remove the ex-husband's child from the scooter, hand him to the ex-husband's ex-mother-in-law and climb over the tangled mess of scooter/wood/plastic/table/buckets... praying almost chant-like.. please don't fall, please don't fall... They didn't! Thank you Lord!
I moved all of my appliances, moved the scooter, picked up the remains of the gate and the table and called the ex. Please come over NOW! I need to go to church before I end up having to repent for whatever I will do or say in the next 30 minutes.
When I got home, I got to rationally survey the damage, and I will need to replace an entire table leg corner connector thing.. but if I cannot find one today, I am starting over from scratch. New table. And we will need a new gate. Two actually. One for the kitchen, and one for the scooter.
Then today! My two angels are all crying and screaming because it is against the law of nature to wear more than one article of clothing on your torso at any given moment. I wanted them to wear a shirt and a sweatshirt since it was 50 degrees outside. This sent both of them off into a tyraid. If you have ever witnessed an alligator do a death spin, this is what Josh and Topher look like in full throttle tantrum. I warned them they would get hurt, and Josh did. He was flailing around so hard that he ran his head right into the wall. Oi vei!
They left for school (did you really think I could keep them home with me?) and I was off to pick up my healthy, all natural, holistic, organic, EXPENSIVE milk, eggs and cheese. I purchase these items because I feel led to and that I believe they are the best for my boys. I get all kinds of flack from the mom and the ex, but I notice a huge difference in the boys and myself. I come home and wade through the maze of buckets in my kitchen to the freezer. I placed the eggs and a gallon of milk in the fridge and put the remaining two gallons into the freezer and shut the door. I turn around to walk to the dining room where the cheese is when I hear a rumble, crash, splash! I turn around and one of my gallons of milk has pushed its way to freedom from the freezer and is now all over the kitchen. Notice I did not just say the kitchen floor. It is on the counters, the cupboards, the floors, all of the buckets, the appliances, the wall, the pictures on the wall, and the pantry. Who knew the viscosity of whole, raw milk? So I am cleaning the milk up from, well, everywhere and my mom makes the comment, "Wow, milk sure does clean the floor really well!" I just looked at her with the look of "mother.... go to your room or you will suffer the consequences." Then she says, I thought you were supposed to take milk baths, not bathe the floor in milk. I walk her to her door and push her gently into her room. Then I moved the refrigerator to finish cleaning the floor.
So my kitchen has been completely destroyed and remodeled in the last 18 hours. I have to go and fix my table and buy a new gate. I have to laugh at the fact that this stuff could only happen to me. Or at least I like to think it does. Actually, I have to laugh.... because you shouldn't cry over spilt milk.
Every night, mom gets on the scooter and takes each boy out for a ride with the dog in tow. First one, then the other. Then it is bath time. She has been extremely proud of herself as she has been allowing my 3 and 5 year olds to actually drive the scooter while she supervises.
All of that is well and good until something like what happened last night happens. I was getting the boys and I ready to head out to church. My mom's scooter was parked in the dining room facing the entry way to the kitchen. There is a wooden gate sectioning off the doorway, and just behind there is a wooden table that holds my $250 mill and $200 mixer along with various baking supplies and covers all of my buckets of grain. Joshua, the 5 year old, gets on the scooter, turns it on, and races it full speed ahead into the kitchen. In the process, destroying the gate, the garbage can, the table and my nerves. He is laughing and having a grand old time, I am breathless at the thought of "if that scooter moves a milimeter, my entire attempt at holistic health and investments thereof are going to crash to the floor." I silently and calmly remove the ex-husband's child from the scooter, hand him to the ex-husband's ex-mother-in-law and climb over the tangled mess of scooter/wood/plastic/table/buckets... praying almost chant-like.. please don't fall, please don't fall... They didn't! Thank you Lord!
I moved all of my appliances, moved the scooter, picked up the remains of the gate and the table and called the ex. Please come over NOW! I need to go to church before I end up having to repent for whatever I will do or say in the next 30 minutes.
When I got home, I got to rationally survey the damage, and I will need to replace an entire table leg corner connector thing.. but if I cannot find one today, I am starting over from scratch. New table. And we will need a new gate. Two actually. One for the kitchen, and one for the scooter.
Then today! My two angels are all crying and screaming because it is against the law of nature to wear more than one article of clothing on your torso at any given moment. I wanted them to wear a shirt and a sweatshirt since it was 50 degrees outside. This sent both of them off into a tyraid. If you have ever witnessed an alligator do a death spin, this is what Josh and Topher look like in full throttle tantrum. I warned them they would get hurt, and Josh did. He was flailing around so hard that he ran his head right into the wall. Oi vei!
They left for school (did you really think I could keep them home with me?) and I was off to pick up my healthy, all natural, holistic, organic, EXPENSIVE milk, eggs and cheese. I purchase these items because I feel led to and that I believe they are the best for my boys. I get all kinds of flack from the mom and the ex, but I notice a huge difference in the boys and myself. I come home and wade through the maze of buckets in my kitchen to the freezer. I placed the eggs and a gallon of milk in the fridge and put the remaining two gallons into the freezer and shut the door. I turn around to walk to the dining room where the cheese is when I hear a rumble, crash, splash! I turn around and one of my gallons of milk has pushed its way to freedom from the freezer and is now all over the kitchen. Notice I did not just say the kitchen floor. It is on the counters, the cupboards, the floors, all of the buckets, the appliances, the wall, the pictures on the wall, and the pantry. Who knew the viscosity of whole, raw milk? So I am cleaning the milk up from, well, everywhere and my mom makes the comment, "Wow, milk sure does clean the floor really well!" I just looked at her with the look of "mother.... go to your room or you will suffer the consequences." Then she says, I thought you were supposed to take milk baths, not bathe the floor in milk. I walk her to her door and push her gently into her room. Then I moved the refrigerator to finish cleaning the floor.
So my kitchen has been completely destroyed and remodeled in the last 18 hours. I have to go and fix my table and buy a new gate. I have to laugh at the fact that this stuff could only happen to me. Or at least I like to think it does. Actually, I have to laugh.... because you shouldn't cry over spilt milk.
A lump of clay
Have you ever worked with clay? I took a pottery class as an elective when I was a sophomore in high school. I had visions of sitting at the pottery wheel and watching it spin and this great work of art come forth from my hands. Boy was I wrong!
Do you know that in order to even get to that point that you have to have already spent a good portion of time working the clay? When you get the clay, it is hard and dry and full of impurities and air pockets. We actually were instructed to just smoosh it and stretch it over and over again in order to get it pliable enough to work with. Then, and this is one of my favorite parts, we had to slam, yes slam, the clay onto the worktable. Why? To force any and all air pockets that were created during the smooshing/stretching to come out. If you were to put a piece into the furnace with an airpocket, it would explode. Not a good thing!
So you do this smoosh, stretch, slam process repeatedly until you end up with a smooth, pliable lump of clay. Now, finally, it can be worked with to begin to be molded into a beautiful creation of art.
At this point, water can be added to keep it moist and pliable, but not too much, because you will end up with a lump of goo, not clay. As the clay begins to reveal its desired form, pieces are discarded that are not needed or are too much or in the way. At each point of this dance of creation and discovery, more and more of the excess clay is removed. What is left is the beautiful work of the creator. The artist's handiwork.
Are you finished? Nope. Now the piece is "fired." It is placed in the furnace to bake and to become hardened, ready for further creativity and beauty. The piece is placed in the kiln and impurities come to the surface while in the furnace. The bonds of the clay are strengthened and solidified so that it can be used for its ultimate purpose. The clay is then cooled. It emerges the same creation, just changed... in color and strength. The fire brought out the impurities.
Out comes the sandpaper. All of the impurities or false ingredients that have come to the surface, are still a part of the creation. They need to be sanded off in order to complete the project. Course sandpaper gives way to find sandpaper as the pieces of imperfection are stripped away. What is left is a shadow of what was given to the artist to begin with, however it is still the same lump of clay. Just further along in the discovery and creation process.
Now we get to decorate! Even when you paint or sketch on the bisque (fired clay) at this point, every stroke causes a buffing to occur. As beauty is given, another layer of the dirt and surface layer is removed. The paint used is never the same color in the bottle as it is after the final firing. You have to trust that the colors selected will be the right ones for your particular piece once it is completed. Yes, you are creating, but the final product cannot be visualized until after it enters the furnace one more time.
If there is a mistake made, as there often are, in the "beautification" process... the paint can be washed away at this point with mere water. You just wash the mistakes away and start over. It is a beautiful and fascinating process. Even if the paint is dry, it can be washed away to begin anew. The artist can even use pencil in order to mark where he wants his colors to go. A guide or a map of his creation. Once it is fired, the pencil burns away. There is no evidence of having even been marked.
At this stage, if the artist is satisfied, the project is set for a final firing. Into the furnace it goes for the final step. The paint is heated as the bisque is fired and it actually becomes a part of the creation. It is not just another layer on its "person." The creation and the markings of the creator become one. If there are any fault lines or hairline fractures, they are actually strengthened in this final phase. The piece is "put to the test" and comes out shiny and new and ready to be used.
Some artists make pieces just as decoration. Some actually intend to put their pieces to use. I prefer the latter. Why go through all of these steps to have your handiwork sit upon a shelf to collect dust? Fear that it will be used and chipped? That adds character and uniqueness. What if it doesn't work as I intended it to ? Then there is another purpose for the creation that what you had originally in mind. Beauty and purpose is in the eye of the creator.
Do you know that in order to even get to that point that you have to have already spent a good portion of time working the clay? When you get the clay, it is hard and dry and full of impurities and air pockets. We actually were instructed to just smoosh it and stretch it over and over again in order to get it pliable enough to work with. Then, and this is one of my favorite parts, we had to slam, yes slam, the clay onto the worktable. Why? To force any and all air pockets that were created during the smooshing/stretching to come out. If you were to put a piece into the furnace with an airpocket, it would explode. Not a good thing!
So you do this smoosh, stretch, slam process repeatedly until you end up with a smooth, pliable lump of clay. Now, finally, it can be worked with to begin to be molded into a beautiful creation of art.
At this point, water can be added to keep it moist and pliable, but not too much, because you will end up with a lump of goo, not clay. As the clay begins to reveal its desired form, pieces are discarded that are not needed or are too much or in the way. At each point of this dance of creation and discovery, more and more of the excess clay is removed. What is left is the beautiful work of the creator. The artist's handiwork.
Are you finished? Nope. Now the piece is "fired." It is placed in the furnace to bake and to become hardened, ready for further creativity and beauty. The piece is placed in the kiln and impurities come to the surface while in the furnace. The bonds of the clay are strengthened and solidified so that it can be used for its ultimate purpose. The clay is then cooled. It emerges the same creation, just changed... in color and strength. The fire brought out the impurities.
Out comes the sandpaper. All of the impurities or false ingredients that have come to the surface, are still a part of the creation. They need to be sanded off in order to complete the project. Course sandpaper gives way to find sandpaper as the pieces of imperfection are stripped away. What is left is a shadow of what was given to the artist to begin with, however it is still the same lump of clay. Just further along in the discovery and creation process.
Now we get to decorate! Even when you paint or sketch on the bisque (fired clay) at this point, every stroke causes a buffing to occur. As beauty is given, another layer of the dirt and surface layer is removed. The paint used is never the same color in the bottle as it is after the final firing. You have to trust that the colors selected will be the right ones for your particular piece once it is completed. Yes, you are creating, but the final product cannot be visualized until after it enters the furnace one more time.
If there is a mistake made, as there often are, in the "beautification" process... the paint can be washed away at this point with mere water. You just wash the mistakes away and start over. It is a beautiful and fascinating process. Even if the paint is dry, it can be washed away to begin anew. The artist can even use pencil in order to mark where he wants his colors to go. A guide or a map of his creation. Once it is fired, the pencil burns away. There is no evidence of having even been marked.
At this stage, if the artist is satisfied, the project is set for a final firing. Into the furnace it goes for the final step. The paint is heated as the bisque is fired and it actually becomes a part of the creation. It is not just another layer on its "person." The creation and the markings of the creator become one. If there are any fault lines or hairline fractures, they are actually strengthened in this final phase. The piece is "put to the test" and comes out shiny and new and ready to be used.
Some artists make pieces just as decoration. Some actually intend to put their pieces to use. I prefer the latter. Why go through all of these steps to have your handiwork sit upon a shelf to collect dust? Fear that it will be used and chipped? That adds character and uniqueness. What if it doesn't work as I intended it to ? Then there is another purpose for the creation that what you had originally in mind. Beauty and purpose is in the eye of the creator.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Research Project
Ok, so I have to do a project. It seems a bit overwhelming. We are dealing with insecurity, fear, perception and reality. A bit of a heavy course? Definitely! Have I enjoyed every moment of the class? Absolutely! BUT ~ here is where the rubber meets the road so to speak.
The main purpose of this particular lesson is to blast apart our perceptions of ourselves and tear down all of the lies and chatter that we spend most of our time telling ourselves. I know you know what I am talking about...
I am not good enough; bad things always happen to me; I don't deserve anything; no one likes me anyways... etc. And let's not even get started on the whole body image stuff!
Ugh! So, one of the projects we can choose - and there are added points assigned to how difficult the project will be to undertake - is to survey 25-50 people in our lives to get their HONEST perspective of who and what we are and represent. I, being the first born, high achiever - of course have accepted the most difficult one on the list.
These surveys can be done anonymously so that if someone wants to tell you something constructive or critical, they do not have to place their name on it. Once the surveys are completed, we are to compile the answers and see if we agree or disagree, and make a commitment to ourselves to make any changes that we feel may be necessary as a result. Changes being either, to be more authentic, or more bold, or if the responses follow the same pattern and it is destructive, to look at that area of our lives for deeper clarity.
So... any takers? Is there anyone who would be interested in filling out one of these surveys for me? I will send it to you and if you want to be anonymous, we will figure out some way for me to get the answers without knowing it is you.
I just realized that I am giving everyone I know free license to pick me apart!!! Ack! lol... I am sure that I can handle it...
Thank you!!! I hope I have at least a few of you who will help me out... Now I just have to go talk to the people who are in my "real" life. :o)
The main purpose of this particular lesson is to blast apart our perceptions of ourselves and tear down all of the lies and chatter that we spend most of our time telling ourselves. I know you know what I am talking about...
I am not good enough; bad things always happen to me; I don't deserve anything; no one likes me anyways... etc. And let's not even get started on the whole body image stuff!
Ugh! So, one of the projects we can choose - and there are added points assigned to how difficult the project will be to undertake - is to survey 25-50 people in our lives to get their HONEST perspective of who and what we are and represent. I, being the first born, high achiever - of course have accepted the most difficult one on the list.
These surveys can be done anonymously so that if someone wants to tell you something constructive or critical, they do not have to place their name on it. Once the surveys are completed, we are to compile the answers and see if we agree or disagree, and make a commitment to ourselves to make any changes that we feel may be necessary as a result. Changes being either, to be more authentic, or more bold, or if the responses follow the same pattern and it is destructive, to look at that area of our lives for deeper clarity.
So... any takers? Is there anyone who would be interested in filling out one of these surveys for me? I will send it to you and if you want to be anonymous, we will figure out some way for me to get the answers without knowing it is you.
I just realized that I am giving everyone I know free license to pick me apart!!! Ack! lol... I am sure that I can handle it...
Thank you!!! I hope I have at least a few of you who will help me out... Now I just have to go talk to the people who are in my "real" life. :o)
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Why God gave mothers a sense of humor
My dear friends ask me when they see me how I am doing. I told them this morning that I know why we have senses of humor. I will now share with you why I know this....
Events of this past week:
~ I thought that my boys were better and were ready to go back to school. Then I felt like I was hit by a mack truck and had to leave my first class and come home on Monday - I slept for most of the day. When my boys came home, they said, "Oh mommy, you sweeping? (sleeping) why you doing that for?" As if Mom's are not allowed to sleep.
~ My youngest started medication last week for his aggression and behavior problems. I realized that I must give this answer to him whenever he asks me why he has to take medicine, although I think he got it backwards. I gave him his medicine one morning before school and he said, "mmm Mommy, that makes you feel better!" Yep, the truth comes out, you are medicated so mommy can feel better (guilt, guilt, guilt!)
~ Wednesday they were still sick, whining and not sleeping, green slime everywhere - I am sure you get the picture... so we stayed home yet again. Two hours of bugging me to watch TV, I surrendered and we watched WonderPets. If you have not seen it, please do. They rescue animals and in this one particular episode, they helped a puppy who had to go pee pee. The wonderpets said that puppies had to go potty outside, and my oldest said, "I a puppy" and wanted to run to the playground to pee. There was a nice conversation that followed about how big boys use the potty even when they are pretending to be puppies. "What's gonna work? Teamwork!"
~ Thursday - Oh joy of joys. I got a phone call from the teacher. My kindergartner was in trouble. Throwing rocks at Coach, not listening, crashing through construction tape on a damaged bridge, and to top it all off, kicking the assistant principal in the shin. Then when asked about it, he lied to the teacher and to me.On one hand, I never thought I would have to deal with this. Children who are delayed as much as my child was supposed to have been, never get to all of the developmental milestones like rebellion, lying, etc. On the other hand, this is MY child. The one who says please and thank you. The fruit of my loins who is attacking other adults! I asked him where he got the rocks and what he did with them after he was put in time out, and the little fart reached into his pocket and handed them to me. "Here mommy, I fwo them high, like this! Coach had a bad hurt. I tell him sowwy."
So, my little "angel" who was not supposed to learn to write, and now can... had the pleasure of copying my notes that said "Coach, I am sorry. Joshua" He did one for his teacher and the assistant principal as well.
~ Friday I prayed and decided that the boys really needed some quality down time with Mommy. (What was I thinking?) So I planned on taking them to Super Target (Their FAVORITE place on the planet!!) have lunch and then go to their therapy in the afternoon. They had breakfast, I put on a dvd for them (don't judge unless you want to come babysit every day while I shower) and got into the shower. When I got out, they were in the kitchen and the fridge was open. All of my farm fresh eggs, that cost $2 a dozen because they have no garbage in them, are in the blender in the sink with water pouring out of it. All cracked and useless. My brighteyed angels look up at me and say :"Mommy, we're tookin! (cooking) I making scwambled eggs... yummy! Its dewicious. You want some mommy?" Again, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So I thanked them for their efforts and shooed them out of the kitchen. I also made a mental note, "Make sure fridge is locked and kitchen gate is shut when getting into the shower."
I swear I am living in fort knox.
~ Saturday - There has been a lice epidemic in my sons' school. Josh came home with it once and I have treated him and he was fine. Then he got it a second time. Those of you with children know that it is a royal pain, but you do what you gotta do. So I have become obsessed with making sure there are no nits or bugs in either of their hair. I check them all of the time when I put them in their carseats as they are trapped (ha ha) and in natural light. Again, I did not realize how much of an impact I made upon them because while in the shopping cart at the grocery store, Christopher reached over to Josh's head and started playing with his hair. Josh asked him what he was doing, and Topher answered "I am finding your bugs!"
Go ahead, laugh... that is all I can do too..... it is a survival skill.
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.
Events of this past week:
~ I thought that my boys were better and were ready to go back to school. Then I felt like I was hit by a mack truck and had to leave my first class and come home on Monday - I slept for most of the day. When my boys came home, they said, "Oh mommy, you sweeping? (sleeping) why you doing that for?" As if Mom's are not allowed to sleep.
~ My youngest started medication last week for his aggression and behavior problems. I realized that I must give this answer to him whenever he asks me why he has to take medicine, although I think he got it backwards. I gave him his medicine one morning before school and he said, "mmm Mommy, that makes you feel better!" Yep, the truth comes out, you are medicated so mommy can feel better (guilt, guilt, guilt!)
~ Wednesday they were still sick, whining and not sleeping, green slime everywhere - I am sure you get the picture... so we stayed home yet again. Two hours of bugging me to watch TV, I surrendered and we watched WonderPets. If you have not seen it, please do. They rescue animals and in this one particular episode, they helped a puppy who had to go pee pee. The wonderpets said that puppies had to go potty outside, and my oldest said, "I a puppy" and wanted to run to the playground to pee. There was a nice conversation that followed about how big boys use the potty even when they are pretending to be puppies. "What's gonna work? Teamwork!"
~ Thursday - Oh joy of joys. I got a phone call from the teacher. My kindergartner was in trouble. Throwing rocks at Coach, not listening, crashing through construction tape on a damaged bridge, and to top it all off, kicking the assistant principal in the shin. Then when asked about it, he lied to the teacher and to me.On one hand, I never thought I would have to deal with this. Children who are delayed as much as my child was supposed to have been, never get to all of the developmental milestones like rebellion, lying, etc. On the other hand, this is MY child. The one who says please and thank you. The fruit of my loins who is attacking other adults! I asked him where he got the rocks and what he did with them after he was put in time out, and the little fart reached into his pocket and handed them to me. "Here mommy, I fwo them high, like this! Coach had a bad hurt. I tell him sowwy."
So, my little "angel" who was not supposed to learn to write, and now can... had the pleasure of copying my notes that said "Coach, I am sorry. Joshua" He did one for his teacher and the assistant principal as well.
~ Friday I prayed and decided that the boys really needed some quality down time with Mommy. (What was I thinking?) So I planned on taking them to Super Target (Their FAVORITE place on the planet!!) have lunch and then go to their therapy in the afternoon. They had breakfast, I put on a dvd for them (don't judge unless you want to come babysit every day while I shower) and got into the shower. When I got out, they were in the kitchen and the fridge was open. All of my farm fresh eggs, that cost $2 a dozen because they have no garbage in them, are in the blender in the sink with water pouring out of it. All cracked and useless. My brighteyed angels look up at me and say :"Mommy, we're tookin! (cooking) I making scwambled eggs... yummy! Its dewicious. You want some mommy?" Again, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So I thanked them for their efforts and shooed them out of the kitchen. I also made a mental note, "Make sure fridge is locked and kitchen gate is shut when getting into the shower."
I swear I am living in fort knox.
~ Saturday - There has been a lice epidemic in my sons' school. Josh came home with it once and I have treated him and he was fine. Then he got it a second time. Those of you with children know that it is a royal pain, but you do what you gotta do. So I have become obsessed with making sure there are no nits or bugs in either of their hair. I check them all of the time when I put them in their carseats as they are trapped (ha ha) and in natural light. Again, I did not realize how much of an impact I made upon them because while in the shopping cart at the grocery store, Christopher reached over to Josh's head and started playing with his hair. Josh asked him what he was doing, and Topher answered "I am finding your bugs!"
Go ahead, laugh... that is all I can do too..... it is a survival skill.
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.
It began with a whisper
There are some thoughts running around my heart this afternoon that I just need to get out in order to possibly gain some perspective. I do not know if they will mean anything to you, but I believe that collectively, they are all pieces of a much larger picture that the Lord is creating in my life. So here we go:
~ I have been praying for a friend of mine for a while now. I believe there is a connection there between us, and others have seen it as well, but I am being told repeatedly to just "Trust Me and Don't Run." If I could show you the number of times this has been an answer to prayer, you would laugh. It is much easier to push the person away and prove that I am not deserving of a relationship than to put myself out there and trust You that I won't be trampled on again. Just this morning I was told... "Just be yourself and love everyone around you like you always have. Don't run when it comes... Trust ME."
~ Control - I crave it - ugh. If I have control over the situation, then I know what is going to happen. I am being asked to give that up. On a moment to moment basis. Scary? Um, YEAH! But then I sit back and think - it hasn't worked for me this far, so why not give it up to the creator of the universe and try things His way for a while? Yes, that sounds better. (I think that this should apply to the previous answer - Cherise, take a note!!
~ Separation - I am being purged of things in my heart and flesh in a way like I have never been touched before. I will come to service or a prayer meeting, or even just sitting in my car listening to music and all of a sudden, I am in a heap on the floor in tears... just sobbing. And I hear God whisper.. am I enough? Tell me, am I enough? It is in those moments that I know true separation is just beginning for me. All of what I thought I had done before was a stepping stone.
~ A calling like no other - I have always known, from a very young age, that I was called. At first I thought it was to have a school and to teach, then I believed I was going to work with special needs children, now I am not exactly what it all entails, but the Lord has had me change my major to social work and I will be working on my masters in order to counsel people. I also feel a rising inside of me to share the Word. I do not know what it is, but I know the Lord is up to something.
~ Waiting on You - Again, I thought I knew how to do this. But really I was fooling myself by telling myself I was waiting on you when I was really just trying to make things happen on my own - on the side. Kind of "well, if I need to wait, I might as well be doing something."
~ Finding out that I am loved.... deeply and completely for who I am and not what I do or what I bring to the table. This is a huge one and I am still wrapping my brain and heart around it.
Like I said, these are just some random things in my heart... that is what happens when God whispers your name.
~ I have been praying for a friend of mine for a while now. I believe there is a connection there between us, and others have seen it as well, but I am being told repeatedly to just "Trust Me and Don't Run." If I could show you the number of times this has been an answer to prayer, you would laugh. It is much easier to push the person away and prove that I am not deserving of a relationship than to put myself out there and trust You that I won't be trampled on again. Just this morning I was told... "Just be yourself and love everyone around you like you always have. Don't run when it comes... Trust ME."
~ Control - I crave it - ugh. If I have control over the situation, then I know what is going to happen. I am being asked to give that up. On a moment to moment basis. Scary? Um, YEAH! But then I sit back and think - it hasn't worked for me this far, so why not give it up to the creator of the universe and try things His way for a while? Yes, that sounds better. (I think that this should apply to the previous answer - Cherise, take a note!!
~ Separation - I am being purged of things in my heart and flesh in a way like I have never been touched before. I will come to service or a prayer meeting, or even just sitting in my car listening to music and all of a sudden, I am in a heap on the floor in tears... just sobbing. And I hear God whisper.. am I enough? Tell me, am I enough? It is in those moments that I know true separation is just beginning for me. All of what I thought I had done before was a stepping stone.
~ A calling like no other - I have always known, from a very young age, that I was called. At first I thought it was to have a school and to teach, then I believed I was going to work with special needs children, now I am not exactly what it all entails, but the Lord has had me change my major to social work and I will be working on my masters in order to counsel people. I also feel a rising inside of me to share the Word. I do not know what it is, but I know the Lord is up to something.
~ Waiting on You - Again, I thought I knew how to do this. But really I was fooling myself by telling myself I was waiting on you when I was really just trying to make things happen on my own - on the side. Kind of "well, if I need to wait, I might as well be doing something."
~ Finding out that I am loved.... deeply and completely for who I am and not what I do or what I bring to the table. This is a huge one and I am still wrapping my brain and heart around it.
Like I said, these are just some random things in my heart... that is what happens when God whispers your name.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Another song that speaks TO and FOR my heart
by Chris Rice
Was I the only one to notice
That human nature doesn't work that way
They tell me if I look deep inside me
That I can find my own way
I only find a rebel and a fool there
Who won't admit that he's afraid
I thought I was holdin' on to freedom
But locked my soul up in chains
I need a hero
Who'll dare to find me
Fly to my rescue
And crash through the wall
Announce my freedom
Bring me to my senses
Gather me into his strong arms
And carry me off. . . to safety
What is this talk about a Savior
Well does he listen, is he even there?
And should I be asking him directly?
But why should he consider my prayer?
Well, I don't quite know how to do this
But Jesus, I can't save myself
So here I go calling out for mercy
And crying out for your help
(So if you hear me. . .)
I need a hero
Please dare to find me
Fly to my rescue
And crash through the wall
Announce my freedom
Bring me to my senses
Gather me into your strong arms
And carry me off
Friday, November 10, 2006
I double dog dare you!!
Ok.. we have all played truth or dare. Or we have all been dared to do something. It goes something like this:
I dare you! - No!
I double dare you! - No!
Ok, then.. I double dog dare you! - Ok.. it is ON NOW!!
Somehow adding the "dog' moves us to action. So that is what I am doing to you...
I want to double dog dare you to make a small difference today in someone's life. We have all heard the saying "what goes around comes around" or "you reap what you sow." So, my question to you is: what have you been reaping or what has been coming around to you? If you want good things, you have to make good things happen.
Here is the scoop: Share a little bright spot of yourself with someone today. Smile at a stranger, wink at a child, hold the door open for the person behind you, let that person who has less items to pay for go ahead of you in line, pay for the next car's toll, buy someone a cup of coffee and say "Happy Friday!", if you had good service at a restaurant, don't just leave a tip, ask for the manager and tell them - they hear far too much of the negative!! or just simply take a few extra moments and look someone in the eye and tell them "Thank you!" You will see people everywhere today. At the gas station, the grocery store, school, work, the bank (if they are open today), the mall, the movies, restaurants, etc. Most people just go about their business, or worse, do not even acknowledge that they are in contact with another living, breathing human being.
C'mon, you know there are other ideas you can come up with! You will be amazed at their reaction and how blessed you will be because of it. Then share with me what you did! I need some new ideas!
So.. let's go... I double dog dare you!!! Bring it on!!!
I dare you! - No!
I double dare you! - No!
Ok, then.. I double dog dare you! - Ok.. it is ON NOW!!
Somehow adding the "dog' moves us to action. So that is what I am doing to you...
I want to double dog dare you to make a small difference today in someone's life. We have all heard the saying "what goes around comes around" or "you reap what you sow." So, my question to you is: what have you been reaping or what has been coming around to you? If you want good things, you have to make good things happen.
Here is the scoop: Share a little bright spot of yourself with someone today. Smile at a stranger, wink at a child, hold the door open for the person behind you, let that person who has less items to pay for go ahead of you in line, pay for the next car's toll, buy someone a cup of coffee and say "Happy Friday!", if you had good service at a restaurant, don't just leave a tip, ask for the manager and tell them - they hear far too much of the negative!! or just simply take a few extra moments and look someone in the eye and tell them "Thank you!" You will see people everywhere today. At the gas station, the grocery store, school, work, the bank (if they are open today), the mall, the movies, restaurants, etc. Most people just go about their business, or worse, do not even acknowledge that they are in contact with another living, breathing human being.
C'mon, you know there are other ideas you can come up with! You will be amazed at their reaction and how blessed you will be because of it. Then share with me what you did! I need some new ideas!
So.. let's go... I double dog dare you!!! Bring it on!!!
Wouldn't it be nice.....
First of all I want to start out by saying that Yes, the Lord is more than enough for me. However, I am still human. I still have bad days. And when those days, like today, come... these are the thoughts that run through my head.
Wouldn't it be nice...
~To have a soft place to land?
~To be able to lay on the couch next to that one person who can look at me and understand where I am?
~To not have to explain why I am happy and devastated that my 5 year old kicked the assistant principle in the shin today and then lied about it to his teacher and to me?
~To have someone to just offer me a hand when I am carrying all that I possibly can and still cannot get it all?
~To not feel guilty when I have my moments of weakness?
~To be able to sit with the man that I love, massage his neck and rub his temples... and tell him that we are going to be ok?
I guess I just want to be held and loved tonight.. I get tired of the super woman cape from time to time. I do not wear it as much as I used to, thankfully. But it is days like today that I truly see my situation for what it is. It is me and my precious boys and God. What a team, I know. And I believe that He is enough. I know He is... but am I????
Wouldn't it be nice...
~To have a soft place to land?
~To be able to lay on the couch next to that one person who can look at me and understand where I am?
~To not have to explain why I am happy and devastated that my 5 year old kicked the assistant principle in the shin today and then lied about it to his teacher and to me?
~To have someone to just offer me a hand when I am carrying all that I possibly can and still cannot get it all?
~To not feel guilty when I have my moments of weakness?
~To be able to sit with the man that I love, massage his neck and rub his temples... and tell him that we are going to be ok?
I guess I just want to be held and loved tonight.. I get tired of the super woman cape from time to time. I do not wear it as much as I used to, thankfully. But it is days like today that I truly see my situation for what it is. It is me and my precious boys and God. What a team, I know. And I believe that He is enough. I know He is... but am I????
Thursday, November 9, 2006
Why do I do this??
There is a line from Pretty Woman that resonates with me. It goes something like this... "if you hear the bad about yourself long enough, you start to believe it." I have been fighting against words spoken over and to me for a LONG time. And I have come a LONG way, baby!
I have had the pleasure of hoping for all of the wonderful things that I have in my life, and seeing them come to pass. Hope was all I had and I clung to it. Life had to be better than what I was living with, so it was easy to hope against all odds. I don't know if I really ever believed it would be better. But God is good, and things are going really well. I am NOT the same person that I was when I started this journey. Thank you, Jesus!!!
So I have been in this season of hope for quite a while. About 8 or 9 years actually. And it was getting easier because I was seeing things change in my life and I had physical proof that the Lord was answering my prayers and moving on my behalf.
So why is it that when He told me that I am moving from a season of hope into a season of trust and expectation, that I am freaking out? You would think that I would be excited. And I am, in part. Everything that has been stored up for me is getting ready to be released. All that I have been hoping and dreaming of is literally around the corner. Blessings are about to burst forth, relationships, connections, directions to take.. all of it is so near. Yet I am scared out of my mind! I have prayed for one particular situation for SO long that the prospect of it actually happening causes me to hyperventilate. It is so much easier to stay in the season of hope. I know how to do that! And then I do not have the responsibility of following through on what I have been asking for and so deperately want. I know it is coming... I have had numerous confirmations. I have even been called out on the carpet by a few of my dearest friends to open my eyes to what lies ahead of me. When I pray for clarity and for the door to close if it is not from the Lord... His answer is "Trust me and Don't Run! Be obedient in all things, even those things that do not seem to make sense to you at the time. Just take my outstretched hand and I will guide you."
Do I want to do that? Of course! That is the desire of my heart! And that is easier said than done!
Then He gave me this definition of T.R.U.S.T.:
Thankfully
Responding with the
Understanding that My
Savior is already
There
How can I run away from the One who loves me so and wants what is best for me at all times? If He is already there, then I know that my heart will be safe. It is not people that I am to trust in, I am to trust Jesus with people. So why do I still at times doubt all that You have done for me? And what about all of your promises? Why do I still believe that these wonderful gifts that I have prayed for for so long cannot come to me and will not be real in my life? Because I am human.
Decision Time: It all comes down to a choice. And I have made mine. At least for today... So I am holding on and have locked my ankles in place so I do not run. Do I want to? Yes.. and very much no! Am I making any bit of sense to you? Probably not. lol I am just at the beginning of something new and wildly wonderful. And I cannot wait to see what happens next!!
I have had the pleasure of hoping for all of the wonderful things that I have in my life, and seeing them come to pass. Hope was all I had and I clung to it. Life had to be better than what I was living with, so it was easy to hope against all odds. I don't know if I really ever believed it would be better. But God is good, and things are going really well. I am NOT the same person that I was when I started this journey. Thank you, Jesus!!!
So I have been in this season of hope for quite a while. About 8 or 9 years actually. And it was getting easier because I was seeing things change in my life and I had physical proof that the Lord was answering my prayers and moving on my behalf.
So why is it that when He told me that I am moving from a season of hope into a season of trust and expectation, that I am freaking out? You would think that I would be excited. And I am, in part. Everything that has been stored up for me is getting ready to be released. All that I have been hoping and dreaming of is literally around the corner. Blessings are about to burst forth, relationships, connections, directions to take.. all of it is so near. Yet I am scared out of my mind! I have prayed for one particular situation for SO long that the prospect of it actually happening causes me to hyperventilate. It is so much easier to stay in the season of hope. I know how to do that! And then I do not have the responsibility of following through on what I have been asking for and so deperately want. I know it is coming... I have had numerous confirmations. I have even been called out on the carpet by a few of my dearest friends to open my eyes to what lies ahead of me. When I pray for clarity and for the door to close if it is not from the Lord... His answer is "Trust me and Don't Run! Be obedient in all things, even those things that do not seem to make sense to you at the time. Just take my outstretched hand and I will guide you."
Do I want to do that? Of course! That is the desire of my heart! And that is easier said than done!
Then He gave me this definition of T.R.U.S.T.:
Thankfully
Responding with the
Understanding that My
Savior is already
There
How can I run away from the One who loves me so and wants what is best for me at all times? If He is already there, then I know that my heart will be safe. It is not people that I am to trust in, I am to trust Jesus with people. So why do I still at times doubt all that You have done for me? And what about all of your promises? Why do I still believe that these wonderful gifts that I have prayed for for so long cannot come to me and will not be real in my life? Because I am human.
Decision Time: It all comes down to a choice. And I have made mine. At least for today... So I am holding on and have locked my ankles in place so I do not run. Do I want to? Yes.. and very much no! Am I making any bit of sense to you? Probably not. lol I am just at the beginning of something new and wildly wonderful. And I cannot wait to see what happens next!!
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
My abandoned heart
~For the majority of my life, I have felt abandoned. Totally isolated and completely alone. No protection, guidance, or covering. Growing up in a home full of anger, hostility, and abuse will do that to you. The devil has had a plan to stop me since the moment I was conceived. I have to tell you, he had a really good thing going for a while. What he set into motion, I willingly picked up and tookover. Thoughts of negativity, blame, insecurity, guilt, anger, bitterness, resentment... the list can go on and on.
~But you know something? My Father never leaves or forsakes (abandons) me. He has always been there and will always be. I find it strange that I am actually saying these things... it was just a few short years ago that I called out to Him in a moment of desperation and said: "Lord, you need to show up and help me, or I am coming home to you!" Bold? definitely. But I was scared and hopeless and I needed a way out. I needed Him.
~Interestingly enough... do you want to know what His answer to me was? Abandonment. Huh?! How can the very thing that I was living and dealing with... that has caused me so much pain and heartbreak, actually be the answer to this heartwrenching prayer?
Simple.
Here is the definition of abandon: to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent; to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in; to withdraw from often in the face of danger or encroachment; to withdraw protection, support, or help from; to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly; to cease from maintaining, practicing, or using; to cease intending or attempting to perform
I find it interesting that in all of the ways it is defined, only one part of the meaning is a negative connotation. *When you look at it through the eyes of our Father* What did He request of me that day? To abandon my heart. To Him, through Him, for Him, because of Him. And in doing so, I was also abandoning my past, the hurt, the pain, the abuse, the things spoken over me that did not line up with what my Heavenly Father has said about me.
~Please do not misunderstand me. I have in NO way "arrived." This whole abandoning thing is an every day choice. Realistically, it is more like a moment by moment or decision by decision choice. But every time I abandon my fears, my excuses and fall into the arms that love and sustain me, I fall more in love with the creator of my abandoned heart.
~But you know something? My Father never leaves or forsakes (abandons) me. He has always been there and will always be. I find it strange that I am actually saying these things... it was just a few short years ago that I called out to Him in a moment of desperation and said: "Lord, you need to show up and help me, or I am coming home to you!" Bold? definitely. But I was scared and hopeless and I needed a way out. I needed Him.
~Interestingly enough... do you want to know what His answer to me was? Abandonment. Huh?! How can the very thing that I was living and dealing with... that has caused me so much pain and heartbreak, actually be the answer to this heartwrenching prayer?
Simple.
Here is the definition of abandon: to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent; to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in; to withdraw from often in the face of danger or encroachment; to withdraw protection, support, or help from; to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly; to cease from maintaining, practicing, or using; to cease intending or attempting to perform
I find it interesting that in all of the ways it is defined, only one part of the meaning is a negative connotation. *When you look at it through the eyes of our Father* What did He request of me that day? To abandon my heart. To Him, through Him, for Him, because of Him. And in doing so, I was also abandoning my past, the hurt, the pain, the abuse, the things spoken over me that did not line up with what my Heavenly Father has said about me.
~Please do not misunderstand me. I have in NO way "arrived." This whole abandoning thing is an every day choice. Realistically, it is more like a moment by moment or decision by decision choice. But every time I abandon my fears, my excuses and fall into the arms that love and sustain me, I fall more in love with the creator of my abandoned heart.
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
Bejeweled
I was going to title this "Bedazzled", but I thought of that cheap rhinestone/stud machine that can you order from television and thought "um, no I don't think so!" ... so bejeweled it is.
I have had numerous comments on the latest addition to my person, so I figured I would share my reasoning behind it.
Two weeks ago today, for my 32nd birthday, I got my nose pierced. (By the way, I am aging like a fine wine! I just keep getting better!!) Can you believe it? Me! My mom thinks that I have hit a mid-life crisis much too early in my life... but it has been something that I have actually been praying about for nearly 6 months.
So let me share with you how I got to the place of actually becoming "bejeweled."
As many of you know, I have been overweight my entire life. In January, I underwent gastric bypass surgery. That was an ENORMOUS decision for me and it was probably one of the best things that I have ever done. I felt the Lord leading me every step of the way. It was time to let go of the mask and covering that I had been carrying as a form of protection. It is amazing to think that in an attempt to become invisible, you actually keep piling on the layers! I was dying inside (emotionally) and wanted so desperately to be seen and to be found. Thankfully, that is exactly what happened! As I got to the end of myself, I found the Lord waiting there patiently with a huge smile on His face! Jesus was in there the entire time with me.. and now He was there, taking my hand and walking me out of the darkness I had so willingly placed myself in.
Since the surgery, I have lost about 104 pounds (depending on the time of day and the direction the wind is blowing lol). I am smaller now that I was when I started high school. Physically, I feel amazing! I can run and play and jump with my boys and I have more energy than I know what to do with. I am even beginning to start to think that I am kinda cute! (wowzers penny!)
The further I walk away from my old self, the further I walk towards who I originally was meant to be. I love the expression, "Who I am meant to be, I am now becoming." That is smack dab where I am! Emotionally ~ now that is another story. I was not prepared for the roller coaster of emotions I would face on this journey. Yes, the loss of food as a comfort and eating in general... we all go through that. But it is something much more complicated than that. As the weight melted away, I was what was left. The real me. The person I believed was not good enough and never would be. I was full of shame and regret, insecure and self conscious. I was running so fast and doing all of these things all of the time to prove to myself and everyone around me that I was enough and I was worthy of love and acceptance.
Then it happened! I had an encounter with my Lord. "Be still and know that I am God!" I was asked, by Him, to lay down most of what I was doing and trying to find my fulfillment in, and was dared to find what I truly needed in Him alone. What?!? I don't have to "do", I just have to "be"? What does that mean? Yet the answer still came, "BE still and KNOW that I am God." Do you have any idea how difficult that was for me? Stepping down and backing out of my commitments was difficult, but something I had to do in order to be obedient. I was learning who I was in Christ, not who I was in Cherise.
I threw myself into the Word and I began to notice a theme. When Isaac's servant found Rebekah, he layed precious jewels upon her and pierced her nose as a sign that she was his. In Ezekiel, when the prince found the baby in the field, he took her and raised her in his palace. When she was of age, he showered her with his love and she returned her love in return. She was to become his wife and he pierced her nose to show that she was his. She was set apart and became beautiful in order to be his bride. An outward sign of an eternal covenant of love.
I began to ponder these stories and the Lord asked me if I was truly His. My answer was of course, yes! His response ~ "You are called and set apart, you are on your way to a new direction and a new level of covenant with Me. You are not your own, you are bought with a price. I have set you free.... free to be who I created you to be and to do what I have called you to do on the earth. Walk in that. Claim your position as my chosen daughter. Let others know that you are marked for me and that everywhere you go, you carry my blessing, favor and portion. Even without the makeup, there is My beauty on you." How on earth can I argue with that?!
There is more to it than I can even put into words.. and some of it is so personal that I cannot share it at this time. But here is what I did not expect to learn... that beauty, true beauty, costs us something and is painful.
It hurt to get my nose pierced. I bled. I gave up not being able to just wash my face and go. I gave up avoiding the questions and comments. Being marked and set apart (this is just a physical expression of an inward change) can cause pain. But ohhhh.. the rewards are so worth it! When I look at myself in the mirror, or the jewel catches my eye, it is a reminder to me that I am a princess! I am the daughter of the King! Regardless of my bed head and pajamas, or if I am dressed to go out... it is my heart that matters.
It is not Who I am... it is Whose I am. And that, my friends, has changed my life forever!!!!
I have had numerous comments on the latest addition to my person, so I figured I would share my reasoning behind it.
Two weeks ago today, for my 32nd birthday, I got my nose pierced. (By the way, I am aging like a fine wine! I just keep getting better!!) Can you believe it? Me! My mom thinks that I have hit a mid-life crisis much too early in my life... but it has been something that I have actually been praying about for nearly 6 months.
So let me share with you how I got to the place of actually becoming "bejeweled."
As many of you know, I have been overweight my entire life. In January, I underwent gastric bypass surgery. That was an ENORMOUS decision for me and it was probably one of the best things that I have ever done. I felt the Lord leading me every step of the way. It was time to let go of the mask and covering that I had been carrying as a form of protection. It is amazing to think that in an attempt to become invisible, you actually keep piling on the layers! I was dying inside (emotionally) and wanted so desperately to be seen and to be found. Thankfully, that is exactly what happened! As I got to the end of myself, I found the Lord waiting there patiently with a huge smile on His face! Jesus was in there the entire time with me.. and now He was there, taking my hand and walking me out of the darkness I had so willingly placed myself in.
Since the surgery, I have lost about 104 pounds (depending on the time of day and the direction the wind is blowing lol). I am smaller now that I was when I started high school. Physically, I feel amazing! I can run and play and jump with my boys and I have more energy than I know what to do with. I am even beginning to start to think that I am kinda cute! (wowzers penny!)
The further I walk away from my old self, the further I walk towards who I originally was meant to be. I love the expression, "Who I am meant to be, I am now becoming." That is smack dab where I am! Emotionally ~ now that is another story. I was not prepared for the roller coaster of emotions I would face on this journey. Yes, the loss of food as a comfort and eating in general... we all go through that. But it is something much more complicated than that. As the weight melted away, I was what was left. The real me. The person I believed was not good enough and never would be. I was full of shame and regret, insecure and self conscious. I was running so fast and doing all of these things all of the time to prove to myself and everyone around me that I was enough and I was worthy of love and acceptance.
Then it happened! I had an encounter with my Lord. "Be still and know that I am God!" I was asked, by Him, to lay down most of what I was doing and trying to find my fulfillment in, and was dared to find what I truly needed in Him alone. What?!? I don't have to "do", I just have to "be"? What does that mean? Yet the answer still came, "BE still and KNOW that I am God." Do you have any idea how difficult that was for me? Stepping down and backing out of my commitments was difficult, but something I had to do in order to be obedient. I was learning who I was in Christ, not who I was in Cherise.
I threw myself into the Word and I began to notice a theme. When Isaac's servant found Rebekah, he layed precious jewels upon her and pierced her nose as a sign that she was his. In Ezekiel, when the prince found the baby in the field, he took her and raised her in his palace. When she was of age, he showered her with his love and she returned her love in return. She was to become his wife and he pierced her nose to show that she was his. She was set apart and became beautiful in order to be his bride. An outward sign of an eternal covenant of love.
I began to ponder these stories and the Lord asked me if I was truly His. My answer was of course, yes! His response ~ "You are called and set apart, you are on your way to a new direction and a new level of covenant with Me. You are not your own, you are bought with a price. I have set you free.... free to be who I created you to be and to do what I have called you to do on the earth. Walk in that. Claim your position as my chosen daughter. Let others know that you are marked for me and that everywhere you go, you carry my blessing, favor and portion. Even without the makeup, there is My beauty on you." How on earth can I argue with that?!
There is more to it than I can even put into words.. and some of it is so personal that I cannot share it at this time. But here is what I did not expect to learn... that beauty, true beauty, costs us something and is painful.
It hurt to get my nose pierced. I bled. I gave up not being able to just wash my face and go. I gave up avoiding the questions and comments. Being marked and set apart (this is just a physical expression of an inward change) can cause pain. But ohhhh.. the rewards are so worth it! When I look at myself in the mirror, or the jewel catches my eye, it is a reminder to me that I am a princess! I am the daughter of the King! Regardless of my bed head and pajamas, or if I am dressed to go out... it is my heart that matters.
It is not Who I am... it is Whose I am. And that, my friends, has changed my life forever!!!!
One of my favorite songs...
The Michael Buble' version....
You give your hand to me, and then you say hello
And I can hardly speak, my heart is beating so
And anyone can tell, you think you know me well
But you don't know me
You don't know the one who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips and longs hold you tight
No, I'm just a friend, that's all I've ever been
Cause you don't know me
For I never knew the art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me, too
You give your hand to me, and then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away, beside the lucky guy
Oh you'll never know the boy that loves you so
Cause you don't know me
For I never knew the art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go bye
A chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me, and then you say goodbye
And I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy
Oh babe, you will never know the one who loves you so
You don't know me
You'll never know the one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me
You give your hand to me, and then you say hello
And I can hardly speak, my heart is beating so
And anyone can tell, you think you know me well
But you don't know me
You don't know the one who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips and longs hold you tight
No, I'm just a friend, that's all I've ever been
Cause you don't know me
For I never knew the art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me, too
You give your hand to me, and then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away, beside the lucky guy
Oh you'll never know the boy that loves you so
Cause you don't know me
For I never knew the art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go bye
A chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me, and then you say goodbye
And I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy
Oh babe, you will never know the one who loves you so
You don't know me
You'll never know the one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me
Monday, November 6, 2006
What I want to be when I grow up
~Captivating: to influence and dominate by some special charm, art, or trait and with an irresistible appeal
~Transparent: having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly
~Genuine: sincerely and honestly felt or experienced
~Edifying: to instruct and improve especially in moral and religious knowledge
~A Compass: marked to indicate direction
~Vulnerable: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded - by letting my walls down in trust
~Breathtaking and Life-giving
~Transparent: having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly
~Genuine: sincerely and honestly felt or experienced
~Edifying: to instruct and improve especially in moral and religious knowledge
~A Compass: marked to indicate direction
~Vulnerable: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded - by letting my walls down in trust
~Breathtaking and Life-giving
Sunday, November 5, 2006
Me and My gang
One of the things that I LOVE about my week is my Sunday school class. I "teach" (I use this word loosely as I am not sure who learns more, me or them) a group of children with special needs during my church's (www.ccwc.org) third service. These kids sparkle! We never have a dull moment and I always leave exhausted... but I leave knowing that we have laughed and had a good time while their parent(s) have gotten to be spiritually refreshed.
Today we hung out and took some pictures. What a bunch of hams! I realized when I got home that I was not in any of them as I was the one holding the camera the entire time. I will have to rectify that next time. As soon as I find my USB port adapter I will upload the pics from my camera. We are a mixed bunch and there are all of my wonderful volunteers and helpers that make it such a rewarding experience. I need to make mention of my team...
*Patch - the talent and comedian of our group. Thank you for always standing your ground and being so committed to making each one of our kids feel loved and accepted.
*Sally (as in Jack's girlfriend) - you hide under that tough skin, but you have a heart of pure gold. You, my friend, are an eagle and the keeper of the "kool" points.
*Shania - my drama queen - hold your head up high, you have far to go in this life and do not let anyone tell you differently!
*Dancing Queen - I SO admire your talents. Knowing you, as well as your family, has been such a gift in my life. I will be able to say "I knew her when...." Don't ever let anyone quench your fire!
*Elizabeth - (Dancing Queen's mom) - you are my sage. I love your tenacity and insight and your ability to keep me grounded and to give a different perspective. Thank you for holding my hand as I walk out into this new stage of my life (you know what I mean!!)
*Fireman - you are a true hero, in every sense of the word.
*Delio - if and when you ever come back, our game is BACK ON!!
If you are ever in our neck of the woods, you should stop by and meet the most amazing group of kiddos you will ever have the pleasure of knowing!!! Just be forwarned, I do sing in the class, so bring earplugs! :o)
Today we hung out and took some pictures. What a bunch of hams! I realized when I got home that I was not in any of them as I was the one holding the camera the entire time. I will have to rectify that next time. As soon as I find my USB port adapter I will upload the pics from my camera. We are a mixed bunch and there are all of my wonderful volunteers and helpers that make it such a rewarding experience. I need to make mention of my team...
*Patch - the talent and comedian of our group. Thank you for always standing your ground and being so committed to making each one of our kids feel loved and accepted.
*Sally (as in Jack's girlfriend) - you hide under that tough skin, but you have a heart of pure gold. You, my friend, are an eagle and the keeper of the "kool" points.
*Shania - my drama queen - hold your head up high, you have far to go in this life and do not let anyone tell you differently!
*Dancing Queen - I SO admire your talents. Knowing you, as well as your family, has been such a gift in my life. I will be able to say "I knew her when...." Don't ever let anyone quench your fire!
*Elizabeth - (Dancing Queen's mom) - you are my sage. I love your tenacity and insight and your ability to keep me grounded and to give a different perspective. Thank you for holding my hand as I walk out into this new stage of my life (you know what I mean!!)
*Fireman - you are a true hero, in every sense of the word.
*Delio - if and when you ever come back, our game is BACK ON!!
If you are ever in our neck of the woods, you should stop by and meet the most amazing group of kiddos you will ever have the pleasure of knowing!!! Just be forwarned, I do sing in the class, so bring earplugs! :o)
Invisible
Have you ever felt like you were walking around in your everyday life and no one could see you? Not that you weren't there, just that you were invisible? You still accomplish all of the items on your "to do" list and the chores get done, but no one sees you for who you really are. Or worse, that you are even existing today. I have had one of those days. Weeks, or maybe even months recently. I believe I am learning that I am here for a reason even if there are no fanfares and trumpets blaring whenever my eyes open in the morning or when I walk into a room. That I do matter and that I do make a difference, no matter how miniscule it may seem at the moment. But I think that it may be nice if I was noticed somehow for who I truly am, and not who I pretend to be. That scares the crap out of me, but isn't it what we all want? I want to not be invisible to someone... and to be able to see that person too.
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