As some of you may know, my disabled mother lives with my boys and me. I should say that my mother who has an electric scooter and a rather large therapy dog lives with us.
Every night, mom gets on the scooter and takes each boy out for a ride with the dog in tow. First one, then the other. Then it is bath time. She has been extremely proud of herself as she has been allowing my 3 and 5 year olds to actually drive the scooter while she supervises.
All of that is well and good until something like what happened last night happens. I was getting the boys and I ready to head out to church. My mom's scooter was parked in the dining room facing the entry way to the kitchen. There is a wooden gate sectioning off the doorway, and just behind there is a wooden table that holds my $250 mill and $200 mixer along with various baking supplies and covers all of my buckets of grain. Joshua, the 5 year old, gets on the scooter, turns it on, and races it full speed ahead into the kitchen. In the process, destroying the gate, the garbage can, the table and my nerves. He is laughing and having a grand old time, I am breathless at the thought of "if that scooter moves a milimeter, my entire attempt at holistic health and investments thereof are going to crash to the floor." I silently and calmly remove the ex-husband's child from the scooter, hand him to the ex-husband's ex-mother-in-law and climb over the tangled mess of scooter/wood/plastic/table/buckets... praying almost chant-like.. please don't fall, please don't fall... They didn't! Thank you Lord!
I moved all of my appliances, moved the scooter, picked up the remains of the gate and the table and called the ex. Please come over NOW! I need to go to church before I end up having to repent for whatever I will do or say in the next 30 minutes.
When I got home, I got to rationally survey the damage, and I will need to replace an entire table leg corner connector thing.. but if I cannot find one today, I am starting over from scratch. New table. And we will need a new gate. Two actually. One for the kitchen, and one for the scooter.
Then today! My two angels are all crying and screaming because it is against the law of nature to wear more than one article of clothing on your torso at any given moment. I wanted them to wear a shirt and a sweatshirt since it was 50 degrees outside. This sent both of them off into a tyraid. If you have ever witnessed an alligator do a death spin, this is what Josh and Topher look like in full throttle tantrum. I warned them they would get hurt, and Josh did. He was flailing around so hard that he ran his head right into the wall. Oi vei!
They left for school (did you really think I could keep them home with me?) and I was off to pick up my healthy, all natural, holistic, organic, EXPENSIVE milk, eggs and cheese. I purchase these items because I feel led to and that I believe they are the best for my boys. I get all kinds of flack from the mom and the ex, but I notice a huge difference in the boys and myself. I come home and wade through the maze of buckets in my kitchen to the freezer. I placed the eggs and a gallon of milk in the fridge and put the remaining two gallons into the freezer and shut the door. I turn around to walk to the dining room where the cheese is when I hear a rumble, crash, splash! I turn around and one of my gallons of milk has pushed its way to freedom from the freezer and is now all over the kitchen. Notice I did not just say the kitchen floor. It is on the counters, the cupboards, the floors, all of the buckets, the appliances, the wall, the pictures on the wall, and the pantry. Who knew the viscosity of whole, raw milk? So I am cleaning the milk up from, well, everywhere and my mom makes the comment, "Wow, milk sure does clean the floor really well!" I just looked at her with the look of "mother.... go to your room or you will suffer the consequences." Then she says, I thought you were supposed to take milk baths, not bathe the floor in milk. I walk her to her door and push her gently into her room. Then I moved the refrigerator to finish cleaning the floor.
So my kitchen has been completely destroyed and remodeled in the last 18 hours. I have to go and fix my table and buy a new gate. I have to laugh at the fact that this stuff could only happen to me. Or at least I like to think it does. Actually, I have to laugh.... because you shouldn't cry over spilt milk.
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