that I was the one with Autism. To be able to retreat into the world of my own mind and not worry about or even care about what everyone is thinking or saying about me. It must be a nice place to go to escape. I wouldn't want to go there forever, just for a nice vacation. I start to muse about this from time to time... usually when I have had a hard week or get some bad news or a reality check. I will expand about the bad news and a reality check in my next blog. I am still decompressing from it... but here is a part that I can share now:
With taking the boys out of school, I have had more resistance that I ever imagined from other special needs parents. These are the same parents who tell me how their children are eligible for services but do not receive them in school. They also share that they do not see any real improvement with their kids, but they "have to" send them to such and such school. Or they fight and expend all of this energy trying to fight for what they believe their child needs but then end the day (or year, or years) still discouraged and disappointed with the outcome. Maybe I am being "attacked" because I am stepping out to do what they themselves cannot bring themselves to do. Yes, that is what I will choose to believe.
On another note, lots has happened this week. Looking back they are humorous, but when you are smack in the middle of it and there are eyes peering at you and mumbles about your kids and your parenting skills, you would give anything to crawl under a rock or into that safe little world.
Here is the play by play:
**This was actually a fun one! We went to Lowe's to get some wood, you know, to fix my broken table from the last catastrophe. I am not a carpenter, but I will make an effort! I like to pretend that I like to do all of the home improvement stuff, but I think that I am just intrigued by it all. At the end of the day, I would rather pay someone to do it for me. :o) Anyways, we were driving into the parking lot and the guys were unloading a fresh batch of Christmas trees. They were in the semi full of ice blocks. As they pulled the trees out, the guys threw the ice onto the ground. It looked like the sky opened up right there and had a fresh snowfall. I pulled over and got the boys out to play with the snow. It was great! The guys were laughing at me, but I told them that the boys had never seen snow before. We had our own mini-snowball fight! It was lots of fun! Then Topher took a handful of this ice and tried to eat it. That is when I knew our experience was complete and we got back into the car.
*We went to Sam's to pick up our quarterly bulk supplies. The ex came along as it was his night with the boys but they did not want to leave me. So all of us (mom, the boys, the ex, and I) are trekking through Sam's. Topher is running around and driving me nuts because he is not listening. I am in the middle of picking up boxes of pull-ups and all of a sudden the fire alarm goes off. My precious little angel tried to go through the emergency exit and set off the alarm. The ex and the mom are just kinda standing there watching. I was mortified. This guy comes running and I am apologizing. Josh is screaming because it is so loud and hurting his ears. Topher is stunned and looking like, "What the heck did I do?" I scoop him up and put him into the cart and he starts screaming. I believe he was louder than the alarm. Once it all stopped, Josh kept saying, "No push the red buttons!" How can I possibly explain when to push the buttons when the noise that results from it causes him so much pain?
*Earlier this week I dared to go into the Wal-Mart. It is absolutely nutso in there during the rest of the year, but at Christmas time, it is way beyond crazy. I was getting frustrated with the crowds and the piles of crap for sale everywhere in the middle of every single aisle. I said to the boys, "Hey guys, this store is bananas!" And Josh, without missing a beat replies, "No Mommy, this store is a Wal-mart!" I stand corrected.
*We were driving home and Josh had his feet up in the air, propped up on the back of my seat. He kept kicking them and was flinging his arms around while making some strange sounds. I was trying to figure out what the heck he was doing, so I asked him: "What are you doing?" And he said; Um, nothing. So I asked again... this was after he was really getting into the feet tapping and hand moving. "Josh, what on earth are you doing?" "Mommy, I just singing a song!" Oh, excuse me!
*We were at Super Target. (Can you tell that we have alot of errands? It is because I never get to finish the list I start - we usually leave mid-shopping in order to alleviate a disaster). On a side note, I *love* Super Target. I can get all I need without all of the craziness of Wal-Mart... AND there is a Starbucks! I have never been a coffee drinker before this year, but now I am addicted. I have fallen head over heels for their Peppermint Mocha Lattes, and last night I treated myself to a Venti! WooHoo! They even have cute little cup holders for the cart so you don't have to carry the cup in the store. Talk about luxury! Anyways, we were checking out and I was loading the cart. Topher was running around and not listening (do you see a theme here?). We had gone out to the garden center and collected some broken branches to decorate our nativity scene with and they were occupying the majority of the cart. I was tired of the comments and stares because of Topher's blatant disobedience. He was saying stuff like, "Get off of me mommy!" and "You cut it out now!" I do not know where he gets this from... seriously! So I caught him and went to put him into the child seat in the cart. He is a big boy - he weighs 50 pounds and is only3! (I have nightmares that we are going to end up on Maury Povich, but he really is just a big boy - think linebacker material!). The bad thing about his size is that he knows how to use it to his advantage. He flailed backwards and nearly knocked me over. I persevered though and managed to get him into the seat. He then made a final attempt to wiggle out of the chair, and that is when it happened. Topher pushed and kicked and sent my latte flying. All over him, the bags, the counter, my left side, my sweatshirt, and of course the floor! The cashier was stunned. I put him back into the seat while he is screaming and started trying to gain my composure. I asked for some towels. She handed me 2. I told her I would need more than that. She ignored me. I think she was trying to finish up to get us out of there. I do not blame her. I cleaned up most of the carnage but the floor was still a mess. Now I believe that if we cause something at a store, we need to clean it up. The cashier came around to put the last bag in the cart and said, "Oh my! That is a big mess! I will call someone." I was even more mortified. She leaned over and said, trying to be reassuring, "It is ok, we have messes all of the time." I glanced at the distinguished gentleman in line behind us who had been rolling his eyes the entire time and the ladies in the next line that were smirking at us and just responded: "So do we honey, so do we." I paid our bill and left. As we are walking out of the store, my babies look at me and say "Sorry, Mommy." Me too guys, me too.
The sad part? I think that most of the reason I was upset was that I only got to drink half of my latte. I am so pathetic....
So the next time you are enjoying your Starbucks, just smile and think of me.
Have a great Friday and a fabulous weekend! We have lots planned, including a Christmas play and our Sunday School class's Christmas Party. The boys are excited! I am too... I think! :o)
Love, Reese
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