MEN!!!

Yes... men!
But this is not one of those posts. You know what I mean, a male-bashing free-for-all.
That is not at all what I am writing about.

I have a wretched history with men. Or is it they have one with me?
For those of you who do not know, or may not be aware, I have lived through a childhood of abandon, abuse, anger, and neglect. There have been three men in particular who carved and created deep wounds in my heart and soul. In response to those individuals, I began to shut down. I was carefully and craftily building a wall around my heart. It was for protection. It was for perseverance. It was to prove to the world that "they" were right... I was worthless and deserved to be alone and miserable and eventually die. I had picked up where they left off and was segregating myself from myself and the world. After all, three men in a row all felt the same way about me. They must be right... and I must be wrong. I was to be used, abused, and thrown away. Who would find any good in that? I would never amount to anything. I believed it, and began to chart my course into nothingness.

But something changed. I know it was my heart. But to tell you the moment it happened or how it did, I cannot pinpoint that day and time for you. Somehow over a period of time, something inside of me changed. Bricks for a new foundation were being formed and starting to be lain on the floor of my heart. The old perception of men, while still in my mind, was being shifted from view and then challenged. This came to me in prayer one day: "There are a handful of men who have hurt you... but there are millions who have not."

What?!? That statement rattled me to my core. But God... you know my pain. But God... the hurt is too great. But God... your know my haunting nightmares and many nights of no sleep.
What do I do now? "Love them. Open your heart. Dare to let me prove you wrong. Trust me with the men in your life."

Yea.. I'll get RIGHT on that one.

It took me 2 1/2 years to garner up the strength for my next step. I was lonely, discouraged, broken-hearted.. and felt a little daring. New year's eve 2006: Instead of making my list of resolutions for the next year. I opened my Bible and prayed a prayer similar to the following:
"Lord.. you say in your Word that you are a not man that can lie, and you say that you uphold your Word above anything else. You have declared in Joel that you will restore the years that the locusts have eaten. You say in Isaiah that we who are the broken-hearted will receive a double portion. That is what I want. I want you to redeem men to me Lord. I don't care how or even who. But I know they were created in Your image, so there has to be good in them. I am choosing to not allow a handful of men to destroy me. Give me new eyes to see them. Let me embrace them when they cross my path. Let me not shrink back from Your work. I am boldly coming to you, as you ask us to. Redeem and restore Lord. I need this... please."

Big things happen when you pray God's Word and when you ask Him to show you His love.
2007 was an eye opening year for me. God answered my prayer bigger than I could have ever imagined. I have more men in my life now that love and support me than I could have ever dreamed. If you are going to dare God to show up, be prepared for the answers to come.
Here are my gifts of redemption.. my wonderful men. Each of them has a piece of my heart that is his alone. Each one has been pivotal in healing either a section or or several in my demolished heart. God used these men in a mighty way. I want them to know that they have helped to change my life. Save my life.

First and foremost, my sons.
Joshua and Christopher. Technically they are not men yet. But they are male. Full of potential. It is my job to teach them and equip them with the tools they need to love and protect the women in their lives. It is what men are designed to do. We women have emasculated men for far too long. Yes, we need equality, but not at the price of losing men for what they were created to be. This ends in my home.

CAC: You were the first. Possibly the reason I can even write this post. Your humor and trust shattered my preconceived notions. Our friendship meant the world to me. You helped to save my life. You weren't afraid to call me out on the carpet if I needed it. And you let me do the same for you. I miss you. I love you. I think about you often and pray for you. I have dozens of "C's" in my life, but none compare to you.

Patch: I see the love of the Lord in your eyes. I see you take on your mantle and want to do all you can with the life you have been given. You show up even when it is hard. You have determined to make a difference. I am honored to be a part of helping you make that happen. Thank you.

Mailman: You saw me when I was hiding. You called me beautiful when others couldn't or wouldn't see me. I wanted to be invisible. You wouldn't let me. Something happens in a woman's heart when she knows that a man she respects and admires finds her beautiful and sees the beauty she carries, even when she tries to hide it. Thank you for calling it forth and encouraging me to let it shine.

Lifeway: My earliest memory of you is when you told the story of the boy going to the bathroom with the Beverly Hillbillies' theme song. There is barely a time when I am taking my boys to a public restroom where I don't hear in my heart: "Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed..." :)
I love you. You have become my pastor, shepherd, and friend. Thank you for covering me in prayer and friendship. For shining the light on my path and for helping me to remember that is is God's work we do.. not man's. I feel safe in your authority and covering. That may seem like a small sentence, but it carries majestic implications. Thank you.

Bears: For the best first date of my entire life!
Who knew that we would end up being such tremendous friends? You have shown me that I do deserve to be treated like a gift and treasure. That I am capable of facilitating miracles. You are my cheerleader and understander (like my new word?) of the craziness of life being a single parent of more than one kiddo and the strains on our lives. You are the only one I know who truly understands my situation with my ex and how intricately complicated, yet naturally simple all of this on our plates can be. You constantly remind me to keep myself grounded and focused and to always look at it from another perspective. I have to tell you that I am doing the grading now... you do not get a C or a D+... baby you get and A+!!!
Text messages rule! And Go TONY!! Teavana is ours...
I llama you and am blessed to be in your corner and to have you in mine.

Lego:
Ok.. so it may be a lame name. I sure hope you know who I am talking about. We sure have been through alot, haven't we? I think we are closer now than we were in 1996. You gave me the two best gifts of my life. I still have your card with the simple one word message of "someday." You were right.... (Just that time!!! and NO I am not a control freak).

Fireman:
Boy where do I even begin with this? You have my heart. You are my big brother, my confidante, my shield bearer. I cannot expect anyone to understand our connection and friendship. We know it is straight from Heaven and ordained of our Heavenly Father. There are times that I would not have made it without you. I am blessed and honored to be your best friend as you are mine. The fact that I know without a shadow of doubt that you love me, respect me, want only the best for me, support and encourage me, and that you will NEVER leave me... man those are pillars in my heart that have helped to hold it up. "Thank you" is too small.
I know you know what I mean. I love you.

Can you believe these men I have in my life? Wonderfully and perfectly flawed (just like me!), big hunks of testosterone (Not just like me!! lol). All loving me and helping to heal my heart whether they know it or not. I hope this gives them a glimpse of how I feel and see them.

Go love the men in your life. They need a break. They don't hear enough how amazing we think they are... that we respect them and need them. Strong arms are tender when they catch you from a fall. And nothing replaces a kiss on the nose or forehead from a man of honor that loves and adores you. I am most fortunate. I have more than most. And I do not feel one bit guilty.
I love my MEN!!!!

Reese