Ask me about my tears and my garden some time...

It has been far too long, and far too much has happened to even begin to try to start to catch you up. There has been heartbreak, restoration, regression, tension, loss of family as well as friends, moving out, moving in, moving on, illusions shattered, lies told and heard, role reversals, sickness in and around me, loss of trust, and on and on and on. I can honestly say that for the last 6 months at the very least, there has not been a day that has gone by that I have not cried. For numerous reasons at various times.

I am so overwhelmed and yet it has been deemed ok for some people who claim to love me and only want what is best for me to just continue to walk all over me and discard my emotions and shower me with disrespect - either in the guise of humor or just blatant disrespect and disregard.


However, I have one thing that I do not think I will ever loose. I have "Bounce." It takes me a while sometimes, but it always shows up when the time is right and I am finally ready to let go and learn to abandon myself to my First Love - my One and Only Love.

I stumbled upon this song today and I have found an anthem of sorts in its haunting refrains and fresh and quiet affirmations. For those of you who have received an email from me, you know my signature is: "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow." by Mary Anne Radmacher. This song has the same voice - the same message - my message for now. Just for now. I know I will fly again. For it is not in one's nature to have flown once and not be able to fly again, and eventually learn to soar. (Please, you MUST see A Snoodle's Tale by the Veggie Tales - it has changed my life)

I am just resting my wings. Being still and knowing. Please do not give up on me yet.


For those who I have hurt and wounded, I apologize. Please forgive me.

And for those who have hurt and wounded me, I forgive you.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umjRT6m4eec&feature=related



Lyrics: What I Can Not Change - Leann Rimes

I know what makes me comfortable

I know what makes me tick

And when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick

Cream and sugar in my coffee

Right away when I awake

I face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakes

Oh the rest is out of my hands


I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change

But I will change, I will change

Whatever I, whatever I can

I don't know my father
or my mother well enough

It seems like every time we talk we cant get past the little stuff

The pain is self-inflicting, I know it's not good for my health

But it's easier to please the world than it is to please myself

Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change

But I will change, I will change

Whatever I, whatever I can


Right now I can't hear about how everyone else feels

I have enough hurt of my own to heal


I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change

But I will change, I will change

Whatever I, whatever I can