Ms. Nonconfrontational Gets Into a Fight - The Full Story

     Sunday night, my mom and I went to Target. We were there to pick up the latest Skylanders characters that just came out for the boys for Christmas. While we were there, there was a woman with her son walking around the store near us for a majority of the time. I happened to notice that the son had a hearing aid in his ear. I am naturally very observant of these types of things because of my boys and my history of working with people with disabilities and special needs.
     Something else that I happened to notice was that the mom was repeatedly saying that she was so "Retarded" about this and that. Now, anyone that knows me well, knows that you do NOT say that word around me. To me, it is the equivalent of calling an African-American the "N" word. It is extremely rude and disrespectful. I abhor that word. I have had friends called this word and have seen them cry and be hurt by it. I have had people say this word about my boys, which caused a righteous anger and rage to rise up inside me and my mouth start to move all by itself.
     That is what happened on Sunday. How could this woman say this word when she has a child with a special need? She didn't just say it once. I could have let it go. She kept dropping it like it was raindrops on a dry land. That's when that righteous rage started to rise up inside me. I felt it coming. She was in the next aisle but I could hear her. Then she turned the corner. "What am I, retarded or something?" And I just blurted it out. I couldn't help myself or stop it. I wasn't mean or rude or disrespectful. I just calmly looked her in the face and said, "Ma'am, please don't use that word." And of course she got defensive and asked me what word. So I told her "retarded." And she walked off in a huff mumbling about why would someone have a problem with her using "r"?
     I thought that was the end of it. My blood pressure was up and I was flushed because I am not anywhere near a confrontational person. I do not like conflict and I do not like fighting. But I will say something when it is in a situation like this one. I started to pray and calm down and mom was looking at me like, "Are you ok?" And I asked her if I was wrong. She assured me that what I did was not anything too dramatic and so we just carried on. I must admit the situation lingered with me.
     About 15 minutes later, we were in another section of the store and the lady storms up to me with her son trailing behind her. She began to yell at me: "You know I am really upset with what you said to me. I am an American. I have a right to say whatever I want. Who gives you the right to tell me what to say? My grandfather fought in the war!" So I told her, "I have two sons with special needs..." Before I could say another word, she did something that rocked me to my core. She threw her child under the bus! She said. "So do I! Look at my kid! He's got a disability and I can say retarded all day long if I want to!"
     That is the part that bothered me the most. How could someone who has a child with a special need not only be so irreverent to others with disabilities, but then degrade him WHILE he is standing there?! She wouldn't listen to me or let me say another word. She was so angry with me, she stormed off rambling in her loud voice about how I infringed on her American rights and how wrong and rude I was. Everyone in the store was staring at us. I didn't know what to do. I was seriously scared. At one point in her rampage she got in my face and I thought she was going to hit me. But the worst part is how I how I felt for her son. What has she said or done to him in the past? He was taller than her so he was easily 14 or 15 years old. My heart just went out to him.
     After coming home and processing the situation and giving it much prayer and thought, I have come to the conclusion that the reason she got so angry is that she knew deep in her heart that she was wrong. She felt convicted and was angry and lashed out at me for pointing out her error. I have been praying that the Lord will turn that entire situation around for her good and that the Lord will heal her heart as well as her son's and that it will bring change and good out of it. There is a verse in Ezekiel that talks about turning a heart of stone into a heart of flesh and that is my prayer for her.
     As I said in my original FB post, I may not have been in the right with what I did, but I know what she did was absolutely wrong. She did not have the American given right to attack me the way she did. I was not vicious, rude, or nasty the way she was.
     So you may be wondering if I will say something the next time I am in that type of situation. Yep. You betcha. Someone has to stand up and say something. I have to protect those I love and those that cannot speak for themselves. The cool thing is, I know that I have back up and for that, I am truly grateful. Thank you guys! I love you!

Gratitude Challenge

I was nominated by the lovely Stephanie Farmer to do the gratitude challenge. So here goes...
Day 1 of 5:
1- I am thankful for my faith and my relationship with my savior. Without that, I would not be here.
2- I am thankful for my boys and being able to be called "Mom."
3- I am thankful for finally learning that it is about the JOURNEY not the destination.
Today I am nominating three people that have been on my journey with me for most of my life. (I am trying to pick people that I have noticed haven't done this yet.) So - Tomasita Carmona, Christine Stanley, and Framaris Williams. You lovely ladies, its your turn! Love you!

Gratitude Challenge - Day 2 of 5:
1- I am thankful for music. I couldn't listen to music for nearly 3 1/2 years and it has finally come back into my life. It soothes my spirit and soul and connects me to the universe in ways that I cannot express in words.
2- I am thankful for worship. It is extraordinary to be able to get lost in that special place where it is just you, the music, and the Lord. Where bondages and burdens are removed and you are restored and made new.
3- I am... thankful for my true friends. The ones that never walked out when my world was crashing around me. The ones that hold my hand no matter how long its been since we have talked or seen each other or how far away we are from one another. I love you and you know who you are. I am blessed to have as many as I have.
I am nominating Donna Morrison - my hand holder, Jennifer Marasciullo - my GB girlfriend, and Carrie Mowrey - my go to girl when the going gets rough in certain areas of my life that only she understands. Thank you ladies for always being there! (The only reason Stacey is not listed is because she has already done this challenge and I don't want to have to make her do this again!)

Gratitude Challenge Day 3 of 5:
1- I am thankful for all of the challenges I have had to overcome in my life. They have made me who I am.
2- I am thankful for Autism. Yes, you read that correctly. My journey has 2 AMAZINGLY incredible tour guides that touch my heart and inspire my soul. They also test my patience and exacerbate my limits. But without Autism, and the co-existing disabilities as well, I would not have been to Holland and met the wonderful people that are on thi...s journey with me. It has opened my eyes and my heart in ways I never knew were possible.
3- I am thankful for my own mental illness and recovery. The last several years have been difficult, but they are a part of me that have taught me so very much and have caused me to grow into who I am today. I have learned that I am not perfect, but I am not meant to be. And it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, because they haven't walked my journey. They have no idea the things I have been through.
And now to pass the challenge on. I choose Melissa Goodloff, Vanessa A. Soleil, and Airin Giltner. Three amazing women who have so much to give to the world.

Gratitude Challenge Day 4 of 5:
1- I am thankful for sleep, whenever it decides to find and keep me, which is rare.
2- I am thankful for restoration. In all the ways that it can happen. I am in the beginning, baby steps of it in one particular relationship now and it is scary and wonderful. And scary. Did I mention it was scary? But I am still thankful for it. However it turns out.
3- I am thankful for laughter. It definitely does a heart good like a medicine. In this crazy house, we laugh almost every day - especially with our Topher around. But my mom and I are pretty funny too.
I am nominate Romona Williams, Alicia Figueroa, and Shannon Beeman. I love you ladies!

Gratitude Challenge Day 5:
1- I am thankful for my family. It is broken, crazy, dysfunctional, peculiar, remarkable, and downright strange, and we have definitely earned our right to be that way (don't judge what you don't understand)... but they are mine and I love each and every one of them like crazy!
2- I am thankful for the relationship that I have with my ex-husband. Most people who get divorced and share children fight, bicker, squabble, and downright hate each other. ...Don't get me wrong, we have our moments, but he is now one of my closest friends, and for that I am truly grateful.
3- I am thankful for firefighters, EMT's, and paramedics. I have had the privilege and honor of knowing some tremendously amazing ones in my life. My best friend was one and he was taken from us way too soon. So in honor of him, I challenge the following people for my last official day of the challenge: Thad Diaz, Billy Westcott, and Cari Knaus. Three things to be grateful for for 5 days!

Sharing A Few of Our Favorite Christmas Traditions

     I wanted to take a few minutes as I start getting back into the "swing" of things of my blogging adventure, by sharing some things that are personal and near and dear to my heart when it comes to the holiday season. I have always loved the holidays. When I was a little girl, the decorations would get pulled out of the attic on Thanksgiving morning while mom and I were in the kitchen making dinner preparations and the parade was going on. It took the entire course of the extended weekend just to get the inside decorations up. All of our family and friends used to joke that they should have to make a donation in order to come over to visit during December.

     Now that I am older and a momma, I still LOVE Christmas. I always planned and dreamed of the ways I would decorate my house and tree and the stockings and things I would incorporate and the things that could fall by the wayside if need be. I thought about how my spouse's family would have their own traditions that he would want to share and that we would need to work together to compromise and create our own wonderful holiday atmospheric wonderland for our own family in our own home. 

     Well, things happen. Dreams don't necessarily come true the way that we want or think that they will. But, the traditions that I hold most dear and have discovered are the most important to and with my boys are the ones that have become my holiday heartbeat. Here are my most favorite, treasured few that I would like to share with you. Feel free to borrow and incorporate them if you would like to. 

     First of all, December 25th is the celebration of the birth of Jesus. That is first and foremost in our home. So, every year we make Jesus a birthday cake which we serve as dessert after Christmas dinner. We also do not start unwrapping any presents on Christmas morning without taking a moment to recognize the significance of the day, thanking Jesus for loving us, and then singing "Happy Birthday" to Him. (It always makes me tear up to hear my babies sing this for Jesus with all their heart.) 

     I have taught my boys about Santa Claus. I know that there are numerous circles and thoughts about what, when, how, why and blah, blah, blah, telling your children about Santa Claus means and does to your children. Here is what I think. I believe in telling children the truth, in simple ways for them to understand and  it is your prerogative to partake in the tradition of Santa, so than you take it from there. I taught my sons about Saint Nicholas and about his great love of the Lord. I have taught them about all of the various men around the world that children refer to as their countries' version of Santa Claus. I also told them that the reason Santa is such a loving, generous, kind man is because he loves the Lord and wants to celebrate Jesus' birthday with all of the world. Jesus thought that was a wonderful idea and since Christ is the greatest gift of the world, it is ok with Him for Santa to go out and share birthday presents on HIS birthday with the rest of the children in the world. That is what I have told my kids. 

     I do tell them that I have Santa on speed dial and that I have the opportunity to meet with him occasionally and will help him decide and pick out what toys and items they will get for Christmas, but it is ultimately Santa's decision. To see my boys get so excited and to think that Jesus loves them so much that there is another man that loves Jesus so much that they all want to share their presents with them, it just surrounds and secures them in their precious love. 

     There is something that is required from my boys. Every year on Christmas Eve, the boys must go through their current & old toys and find one or a few that are still in good condition, but that they no longer use or play with. They leave it under the tree for Santa. Santa gets to take these toys as presents to other kids in the world who do not have nearly the blessings that we have because #1- God loves a cheerful giver. #2 - You reap what you sow. And #3 - It is better to give than to receive. I want my boys to always remember that you give of yourself first. 

     When we are able to, we will take an Angel off of the Tree at the mall or a church and will work together to help a child or we do Operation Shoe Box. No matter if we have to ask for help ourselves, we ALWAYS find a way to give back as well because it is our way of making sure we share presents in Jesus' giant birthday party. 

      The last thing that I can think of is something that I have done for both of my boys every year since I was pregnant with them. Every year I buy each of them a special ornament. It must be representative or themed around whatever they were "in to" that year or their favorite thing at that time in their life. Of course there is the "Baby's first Christmas" for each of them. Here are some examples: Josh could not live without these two Toy Story toys in his hands all the time for nearly 18 months. He would sleep with them in his hands. If you moved them, he would literally wake up and scream until we found them. (This was about the time he was diagnosed lol) So that year I found the PERFECT Buzz and Woody ornament and wrote the year on the bottom in a Sharpie. Here's the catch. The boys are not allowed to use these ornaments. They never go on our tree. I have a box with each boy's ornaments in them, all labeled and dated. And for some that look a little weird like, "What was mom thinking?" I enclosed a little note explaining why the ornament was chosen. I plan on continuing to buy them ornaments year after year until they get married and have their own tree. This will be one of my wedding gifts for them. The last ornament I add before giving will be "First Married Christmas Together" or something like that. Yep - I am a mush-pot. Can't wait to meet my future daughters-in-law! NO! Wait a minute! I take that back! You know what I meant God! lol

     So that is all I can think of at the moment. We do try to do the gingerbread house, cookies, and rice krispie treats. But being disabled, taking care of 2 disabled kiddos and a disabled mom, pre-packaged ones - as much as they hurt my pride - work just fine! Thanks for listening to me ramble! I hope you enjoyed your holidays season this year! Please share some of your favorite traditions that we could possibly add to ours or someone else may want to also!

Thank you for reading about our traditions. And I mean it! Please do share some of yours! I love hearing about them. Happy New Year! Hugs & Hope xoxo

I know a secret!

Something is going to be happening around here some time soon. Keep checking back in! As a wise woman I know says, "You may think that you know, but you have NO idea!"

Laying 2009 to Rest

If I was to tell you all of the things that I faced in 2009, you probably wouldn't believe me!
I lost friends and loved ones that I *never* thought would turn and walk out on me and my children. However, I do not blame them entirely. I spent a large part of 2009 in a cloud trying to get my medicine straight and figure out just what was causing my pain and health problems.
I did become addicted to my pain medicine, however - I do want to put this out there - when I was texting or emailing or posting or talking and was completely out of it or not making any sense, it was due to one of the medications I was taking that I had an allergic reaction to and - if you listen closely to those commercials for insomnia medicine - that is what I was experiencing. The whole doing things and then having amnesia about the incident. Yep - that was me. I experienced that ALOT! And the sleep meds mixed with pain and other medications, I did some scary things while unconscious.

In fact, I ended up in the hospital over all of it and THAT is when the allergy and tylenol poisoning was discovered. I am SO THANKFUL for that happening in my life because it saved my life. My doctors had no idea they were actually causing and helping me to spiral out of control.

I am ok now. I still have my numerous health issues. In fact, I have to have a legion removed in 2 weeks. Please pray that it will be ok and that the doctor will be able to remove the cancer and there will not be any more found.

What kills me is that the medication and the problems I face were because I have and had documented physical problems and serious pain. (I have degenerative disc disease in my back - 3 herniated/bulging discs, a hairline fracture that keeps getting ruptured, plus severe osteoarthritis up my spine, and all of that has caused nerve damage to where I go numb in my hands, arms, feet, and legs. Also fibromyalgia. Its FUN FUN FUN!! And now a cancerous legion that spawned from an underlying condition that I have had for more than 20 years that was given to me by my step-father. And the people that have turned their backs on me - you know the ones I mentioned that I thought would NEVER leave me, those cornerstones of my foundation that I *knew* I could always count on - those are the ones that have left me. And they live their lives *choosing*....*not NEEDING*... to inbibe themselves on things that are not necessary for survival - an example would be alcohol.

I have to look back over 2009 and count all that I lost as seed sown. Some of it I feel was not necessary and some was so deeply ripped from my heart that I feel it may never heal. BUT- all of it has been an answer to prayer. I asked God to bring me to the end of myself; to the place where I know that He is all I have left, and to be ok with that. Everything has added up to that being the only answer in my life. Thank You Lord!

So - I am hoping to write some everyday. I know that I have a voice inside of myself that needs to speak, I know I have alot to say. I am finally ready to admit that I have been holding back in this area - because I am afraid to be hurt in ministry again - but I have learned that ministry is just like anything else - its not about other people and their responses, its about you being faithful to do what you are called to do. The rest is between them and God. As long as you do what you are called to do, its all good.

Although my heart is broken over some family relationships that are broken beyond repair at this point, I must keep moving forward. I mean I cannot come to the Lord when my time on Earth is up and say "I'm sorry I didn't finish my work on Earth Lord, my family said I was crazy and didn't know what I was doing." Its not between me and them, its between me and God.

I pray that the pain in my heart will lessen each day. I miss this person more than I can express in words. And the fact that there is no belief left for me nor understanding and support for some new found torturous information, it is beyond comprehension.

I will get into all of that and explain it more as my heart begins to let go. I know this message is cryptic to say the least.

But the time has come to speak of other things! (Know where that line came from??)
Today is the first day of 365 wonderfully fresh and new days for each and every one of us. I pray that each gift is opened with wonder and surprise.

Sending my love to you all. Thank you for following our journey.